I look back at the 4 years or so I worked there with fondness. I worked with some good people. People who cared for one another and the people they served outside the council. I was also privileged to have two very good people as managers. I am not going to name them here. But I will refer to one as Diane.
Diane, was younger than me – though had worked in local government for far longer than I had. She had a great deal of knowledge. However, she had the good grace to listen to others. She knew that I had past experience that she could tap into and was always willing to listen. That is the sign of a very strong manager willing to listen to others – even if at the end Diane had to make her own decision.
Diane came from South Wales like I did. And because of this shared link we hit it off from the start. I felt I could trust her. Therefore, I was able to share with her (about 2 years before I resigned) that I would be leaving in 2007 to enter ministry.
Diane had been raised in a Christian family – and she shared how her mother still attended church. However, as a younger woman Diane had seen her father and her older brother both die young. Therefore she had given up on the church and God. Nevertheless, we were able to have some wonderful conversations about faith.
On the day of my leaving the staff in the office planned a church fete to be opened by the vicar (me.) In other words the office was decorated with bunting and there was lots of tea and cake. I was really touched. I was given a beautiful fountain pen (which I use every day) and just before I left for the day Diane called me to her office and gave me a litre bottle of brandy.
“From what I know of the things vicars deal with there’ll be days when you’ll need a glass of this” she said.
A few week ago, I had the last glass of brandy from that bottle. In other words, it has taken almost 8 years to finish the bottle.
Now I want to say that I have been very wary of having a drink after a tough day. I didn’t do so in the work place and I’ve not done so in ministry. I am a sociable drinker. And I have witnessed at first hand alcoholism. To have a drink after a stressful day is the very very last resort – though I have done so on one or two occasions (though not on my own.)
My reason for blogging isn’t to do with warning about drink. It is to mention the thoughts behind Diane’s gift to me. For Diane seemed to realise, more than some people in church, the pressures that ministers can face and how they need to develop mechanisms for coping.
Sadly I see (through forums on social media) many stories of ministers who are not coping. Some are suffering from mental illnesses such as depression and stress. There are many reasons for such mental illnesses of course. But for some it seems likely that a trigger has been that they have not learned (or been taught) ways to manage their time. Some, it seems to me have not learned to say “No”. And some feel their calling is to be the 4th emergency service. Always on the go which can easily lead to burn out.
I am thinking mainly about ministers here. But all people need time out.
It's worth remembering that Jesus took time out. He left the disciples to pray by himself. He modelled the need for rest. A wonderful children's book "Jesus' Day Off" is a good reminder of this.
Time management has come with me from the work place. Also I am grateful that college encouraged me to get a spiritual director who I meet every 6 – 8 weeks to talk through what is going on. It also helps having a supportive wife and good friends. I’ve also made sure I take time out, to have some “me” time.
I currently have a student minister with me on a short placement prior to his going into Circuit in September. Like me he is late in to ministry. And he seems to bring with him (from the work place) ways of coping and managing with stress and pressure. However, I’ve really emphasised to him the importance of taking time out, of managing time, to allow space for himself and his family.
During my training, one tutor said to me “You’ve been called by God to be a husband, a father and a minister in that order”. He was right. It is worth remembering.
