Although unable to leave her house Joan had the benefit of wonderful neighbours who called in every day, did her shopping and checked up on her. And although her family had moved from Swindon a number of years ago she received weekly visits from her sons and her grandchildren as well as daily phone calls.
A couple of weeks ago Joan’s next door neighbour noticed that the light wasn’t on in the kitchen when he got up for work around 6.30am. Joan was always an early riser (from her time in service she told me) so if her kitchen light wasn’t on that was a concern. The neighbour (I’ll call him Archie) was concerned and let himself in to Joan’s house. He went upstairs and found that Joan had died in her sleep.
After the funeral I was sat with Archie in the pub where the reception was held. Archie is a no nonsense Scot. If you are a fan of the Archers on BBC Radio 4 and can think of the way the character “Jazzer” speaks, then that is Archie.
Archie spoke to me about Joan at length. “She’s the gran I never had.” I know how much Archie and his wife had done for Joan over the years. But I’d not appreciated how much Archie valued having Joan there for him.
I don’t know Archie’s background but I sense he was a bit of a handful at school. He told me how he'd left school at 15 as he’d had enough of it.
Out of the blue Archie asked me if I’d ever visited Arnos Vale cemetery in Bristol. At first this seemed a slightly odd choice of topic. But then again we had both been at a funeral! “Och it’s great Dave. I love visiting cemeteries me and looking at the grave stones and trying to imagine the people.” And Archie told me a lot about Arnos Vale http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnos_Vale_Cemetery
We then proceeded to have one of those life the universe and everything conversations that I enjoy and which people still like to have with a minister from time to time. Archie had had a couple of beers that no doubt enabled to start talking in this way. But it was a good chat.
We started to look at photos of Joan as a younger woman. And Archie said something I often think myself. “Dave. How is it that when we haven’t known a person when they are young and only know them when they are older, we wouldn’t recognise them in a younger photo? Yet if we have grown up with them we always recognise them?”
Archie’s comment sounds a bit odd. But I know exactly what he means.
But he then went on to say something I found very thought provoking. He explained how he visits his home town in Scotland from time to time. He sees people he’s not seen for years but somehow they don’t alter. “The only difference is Dave that the trees have grown. The people are the same but the trees have grown.”
And I think Archie seems to have hit on something there. Mostly people remain the same that is their personality remains the same (even if they are physically older). So we still relate to them even if they look older. “The people are the same but the trees have grown.”
The village I grew up in in South Wales, sums that up really. My parents are physically older and no doubt to people who haven’t seen them for a while they look older. But to me they seem the same. Yet a look out of the window of their house reminds me of the changes. The trees on the hillside opposite their house are grown. The woodland is much denser than when I lived there.
As I write this I am 50 years and 2 days old. 50 is a landmark I suppose. And 100 years ago I would have been an old man. (No comments please!) After all my great grandfather died in his early 50s. But I don’t feel old. At times I barely feel as if I’m an adult!
“The people are the same but the trees have grown.”
Don’t get me wrong. In many ways I am different to the 18 year old, the 30 year old and the 40 year old. I think there is a certain maturity now. But still a wonderful immaturity too!
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