I recently was invited to give a talk at the Annual General Meeting of Willows Counselling on the subject of Transitions. What follows is an abridged version of that talk.
Transitions may seem a slightly different topic for a talk but as Tanya pointed out in her email “Transitions” is an appropriate topic for Willows.
So what do we mean by “Transitions”? A dictionary definition of Transition is “Passage of change from one state or action or subject or set of circumstances to another.”
Transition means change then. And for Willows this is a time of transition.
Some students will be graduating and new students will be starting. Some staff and volunteers starting and leaving. The previous Chair of Trustees has retired and I have taken over as Chair. Transition is a good word to describe Willows and the work we do. For many people we work with are in stages of transition, stages of change, in their lives.
Prior to entering ministry 8 years ago, I’d spent the best part of my working life working in – Financial services.
During that period – I’m talking from the late 1980s to the early 2000s – there was a great deal of change. Not least in technology. When I started in financial services in 1988 we had access to computers sort of. We could look up the details of accounts on screen. However, if we wished to make an amendment we had to fill in a piece of paper which was then sent to a team who made amendments to the system over night.High tech was a fax machine.
By the time I left financial services in 2003 we were dealing with emails and trying to figure out how the internet might change how mortgages – my field – would be processed.
10 years on from there I bank on the internet and think nothing of it.
That is just one example change. We can all think of how the world around us has changed.
One other thing that changed in my time was the rise of a whole industry of change management consultants bringing with them a whole range of ideas on how to bring about change and how to manage change. In my experience the one thing so often overlooked was the care of people. After all when change happens in a business people are affected. Inevitably change seems to lead to redundancies.
And yet all too the impact on people of transition, change, whatever you call it, is overlooked. I’ve used some examples from the work place. But the same applies in other contexts too.
I don’t know about you, but in my experience both in the work place, church and life in general, people have mixed feelings about change. Some people do not seem to mind it and seem to thrive on it. “A change is as good as a rest.”
But I feel that more people don’t like change. They accept that change happens but they don’t like it. How can someone claim that they thrive on change when the transition they are going through is a redundancy? Or a bereavement? Or a divorce? Or children leaving home? These are all huge transitions in people’s lives and I don’t see how someone can claim to thrive on such changes.
If people don’t thrive on transitions how do people cope with them?
My grandmother was born in 1897. She died in 1982 and she spent all her life in the same village Crosskeys in the South Wales valleys. She lived for 80 years in the same house. But her life was a life of great transitions. She spoke of seeing cars in the village for the first time just before the First World War. And the whole village turning out to see a place that the son of the local lord of the manor had flown home from the First World War.
She lived through two world wars and saw the arrival of electricity in the village together with cinema, radio and television. She went from seeing that First World War plane to seeing men land on the moon. She saw close relatives die of TB. She buried 3 children who died in infancy. She cared for a husband who had been severely wounded in the First World War and suffered what today we’d call PTSD resulting in him having severe depression and spending occasions in mental hospitals.
And away from the family she saw the village change from a thriving mining community with many shops to a virtual ghost town. An impact on a community that meant that the chapel she had worshipped in for over 70 years closed in 1972, meaning she needed to worship in another Methodist chapel.
Of course many of these transitions she experienced before me. So I do not know how she coped with them. But I have a good idea. Her faith.
Her Christian faith was the constant thing in a life of transition. And I am sure that her faith enabled her to cope with the many changes she had in her life and enabled her to cope with the traumas she experienced.
Now let me be clear. I am not saying that having a Christian faith provides a barrier against transitions. Jesus makes it plain that faith in him doesn’t prevent us having to face the transitions life brings. And he makes it clear that being one of his followers is no guarantee of life’s road being smooth.
In Mark 8:34New International Version (NIV)
34 Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
In fact having a Christian faith seems to mean we sign up for transitions.
In Matthew chapter 4 we hear how Jesus called some of the first disciples:
Jesus Calls His First Disciples
18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him.
21 Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22 and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.
The disciples were embarking on what we might now call a journey if faith. At the moment of their calling their lives changed forever. There was a transition. They seemingly left their families behind. They changed from being fishermen, and tax collectors to being followers of an itinerant preacher who just happened to be the Son of God! And there would be many more transitions after that including the transitions of seeing Jesus arrested, tried crucified and rise from the dead.
Having faith in Christ doesn’t solve the stresses and strains of life. It doesn’t prevent the transitions we fear. But faith can help us make sense of what we are faced with. Or at least help us cope.
In Matthew 11 Jesus says:
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
It’s not surprising that one of my grandmother’s favourite hymns was “What a friend we have in Jesus”. This summed up how she could cope with all the transitions.
What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.
For my grandmother this meant praying and, it should be said, drawing on one or two close Christian friends for advice and encouragement. This was her way of coping with transitions.
I doubt if my grandmother ever heard of an American theologian called Reinhold Neibuhr. However, I know she would have prayed a prayer he wrote:
God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.
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