There's always someone worse off than yourself

There’s always someone worse off than yourself

A couple of years ago now, I had the privilege of getting to know John. John was a young man in his 30s. He was born with a life threatening genetic illness. Despite this for most of his life, he’d led a full life. He’d been educated in a mainstream school. He’d gone to university. He’d followed his favourite football team. And even when in his mid to late 20s the disease confined him to a wheelchair that didn’t stop him.

When I came to know John, the disease meant that he was confined to bed in his parents’ house. (His parents nursed him day and night with some help from a local hospice.) During the two years or so I knew him, I saw how John’s body became frailer and frailer. But none of this diminished John’s outlook on life. In fact, when John heard of a mutual friend who had been diagnosed with cancer he said to his father “There’s always someone worse off than yourself isn’t there Dad?”

What an honour it was to conduct John’s funeral.

Yesterday, I was due in hospital for a fairly minor operation. I’d seen the consultant about 6 weeks ago. I’d been for my pre-operation session with various nurses. I’d been sent the letter telling me what not to eat or drink and I’d drunk the disgusting protein drinks I’d been prescribed. Come the day we were up bright and early for the drive into Bristol as I had to book in at 7am.

I was booked in and shortly after 7am a nurse came and took us through to our own waiting room. She went through a questionnaire and checked my blood pressure and temperature. Both fine. She explained there was someone else on the surgeon’s list and I’d probably go to theatre after waiting for a couple of hours.

After a couple of hours there was no news but the nurse told me to get into one of those delightful hospital gowns. I did this and even lay on the trolley ready to go to theatre. Around 11am the nurse stuck her head round the door. “There’s been a problem with the previous surgery. The surgeon will come and talk to you shortly.” Probably 20 minutes later the surgeon came in. “I’m really sorry Mr. Gray but your surgery is cancelled for today. The previous patient developed complications. The surgery ran overtime and I’m afraid there’s not enough time to deal with you before the next patient.”

I was upset and I was angry. I need this surgery! I’d got up at 5.15am to have it! And then, John’s words came to me “There’s always someone worse off isn’t there?”
The patient before me was clearly worse off than me. And presumably the one after me too or they’d have been bumped.

I’m now scheduled to have the surgery next Tuesday afternoon.

I must say, that before I heard John’s voice in my head (or was it God’s?) I found myself saying “Why wasn’t I the first on the list? Why did I have to wait?” I’ve no idea, apart from recognising that presumably the first patient was worse off than me.

There is always someone worse off than yourself.

At the moment, a dear friend of ours is entering the final stages of a terminal illness. There’s always someone worse off.

Then there are the families and friends of the 22 people murdered in Manchester by a terrorist. There’s always someone worse off.

It can be so easy to dwell on our own misfortunes that we don’t see the misfortunes of others.

Forgive me Lord for thinking about me and not thinking about others.
Forgive me Lord for forgetting there are many, many, people worse off than me.



A prayer:

God of the present moment,
God who in Jesus stills the storm
And soothes the frantic heart;
Bring hope and courage to those facing uncertainty.
Bring hope that you will make them the equal of what lies ahead.
Bring courage to endure what cannot be avoided
For your will is health and wholeness.
You are God and we need you. Amen

© A New Zealand Prayer Book 1989 by the Anglican Church in Aotearoa, New Zealand and Polynesia

NHS - I owe you my life

I’ve thought long and hard about writing this blog, as it touches on some painful memories for me. However, I want to share this to show how important the National Health Service is for this country. And to say how worried I am for the future of the NHS if (as seems highly likely) the Conservatives are returned to power on 8th June.

2nd September 2016 proved to be a day in which my life changed (and indeed the lives of my family changed too.) It started off as a normal day. My wife and I both had a day off work because we’d been invited to attend a wedding reception in Stratford-upon-Avon that evening. Our plan for the day was that we’d go to a department store in the morning to see if they had any patio furniture in the end of season sale. Then we’d drive to Cirencester. Have lunch. Call in to see my mother-in-law and get changed at her house. Then we’d drive on to Stratford for the wedding reception.

I remember sitting at breakfast feeling a dull ache in my back. I thought perhaps I’d slept awkwardly – though I remember thinking the ache was near my kidneys. Could it be something to do with them? I decided I’d take a couple of ibuprofen They seemed to help.

We went to the department store – Leekes in Melksham. They didn’t have any patio furniture but we enjoyed browsing round for an hour. As we were leaving the store, I went to use the toilet. As I was using the toilet, I had a sudden intense pain. Really sharp. So much so that I almost blacked out. It seemed to go from front to back and was roughly in the area of my kidneys. Kidney stone??

I came out of the toilet feeling groggy and said to my wife she’d better drive me home. She went on ahead to the car and I followed. I got to the car and the next thing I remember was coming around on the ground. (Anne later described how I’d been leaning against the car and then slid down it as I collapsed.) I’d bumped my head (though no more than a graze) and felt very weak. Fortunately, a couple came along whose car was parked next to ours. They helped and phoned an ambulance. One of them went in to the store to find a first aider.

A first aider came and she then went inside to get a blanket as I was shivering (though it was a pleasantly warm late summer’s day.) She returned with a blanket.
Within 10 minutes a first response paramedic arrived in a car. The paramedic (a Polish man named Marcus) immediately went into action. He helped me up into this car. He checked my blood pressure (which was low). He set me up on a saline drip and radioed for an ambulance. He was told there wasn’t one available. Although he wasn’t sure what was wrong with me, he realised I need to get to hospital urgently so made the decision to take me to the Royal United Hospital in Bath (“RUH”).

(Marcus could not have known how ill I was. But if he hadn't acted as quickly as he did, things might have been different.)

We got to RUH in about 20 minutes. I was taken into Accident & Emergency. Marcus explained what had happened and I was shown into a cubicle. A nurse came and took my details and took my blood pressure and drew some blood. Anne arrived and we waited for a doctor. This is all a bit hazy but I was seen by a nurse within minutes and seen by a doctor probably within half an hour. The doctor said he wanted me to have a CT scan.

I was wheeled off to have a scan and Anne went to get a coffee. The scan lasted probably 15 minutes. As I came out of the scanner I realised that the doctor was concerned because the room seemed full of people (doctors and nurses) some of whom were carrying what I knew to be defibrillator packs. I was very gently lifted on to a trolley from the scanner and carefully wheeled back to a consulting room.

“Mr Gray we’ve found you have a very serious problem called an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. It will need surgery at a specialist unit in Southmead Hospital in Bristol.” I had no idea what an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm was. (“Triple A” as I’ve learned it’s referred to by doctors.) I must have asked for some more information but all I remember is the doctor saying “I will be straight with you. Your chances of survival are 50:50.” (I've learned he was being generous.)

I will digress for a moment. On being told that I had a 50:50 chance of survival it would have been easy to panic or be worried. But I didn’t. I remember praying something along the lines of “God I am in your hands. Your will be done.” And I had this incredible sense of peace. I was worried for Anne and Tom. But at peace myself. I’ve come to realise since this was probably a good thing.

Having had chance to say goodbye to Anne (for the last time?) I was put in an ambulance for the journey to Bristol. I was “blue lighted” all the way. I remember the journey and I remember arriving at Southmead. But after that I have no recollection.

From bits and pieces Anne has told me I must have been taken straight to the operating theatre. There the amazing vascular surgery team at Southmead saved my life. I gather that the surgeons were on the point of finishing (having repaired the aorta) when the repair started to leak. They had to repeat the operation. However, in due course I came out of theatre and on to the Intensive Therapy Unit (ITU). Over the next few days I had another couple of operations.

I spent the best part of September on ITU. For the first 2 weeks, I was heavily sedated. I have no recollection of what was happening at all. Although during this time I had the most intense dreams / nightmares / hallucinations. And in these I now realise people who were visiting appeared. Some of the dreams were very funny. Some very very scary. But all seemed very real. So much so that I had some very odd conversations with Anne. I say conversations as I couldn’t converse due to having a tracheotomy.

For example, I was convinced at one time I was in hospital in London. Similarly, I was convinced that some American friends had arranged for me to have surgery in the USA with “the best Triple A surgeon in the world” who they knew. I was going to fly out on 21st September. I remember asking Anne about this and of course she knew nothing as it was all in my mind.

As I came out of sedation I began to realise how wonderful the doctors and nurses on ITU were. One nurse, whose name I sadly can’t remember, would put on a Lionel Richie CD when she was washing me and shaving me. She’d sing along and it made me so happy. All the nurses and doctors were fantastic with me (and I have since learned how good they were with Anne and the family.)

In my final week on ITU I started to receive some physiotherapy. During one of the surgeries, or because of the condition, I suffered a Deep Vein Thrombosis. This left my right leg paralysed. (I’ve learned since that there was a possibility that the right leg would be amputated but thankfully this didn’t have to happen.)

On 27th September (our 30th wedding anniversary) I left ITU and went to the Vascular surgery ward. I remained there for a month. The nurses and health care assistants were brilliant. Some of the nurses could have been my daughters they were that young. They gave me healthcare of course but also were there for me during the dark days when I almost felt as if I had had enough.

The vascular surgeons themselves were very good. I was seen every day. One in particular had a great attitude. He’d sit on a chair next to me and chat things through. Long gone are the days of Sir Lancelot Spratt in the “Dr in the house” films.

And the ward orderlies who brought meals became great friends.

The physiotherapists though are the ones who have since made the biggest difference. Every day I was taken for exercises. They quite literally got me back on my feet and gave me the self-belief that I would get some mobility back in time.

After a month there, a bed was found for me in the rehabilitation unit at Chippenham hospital. Cedar ward is mainly used to dealing with elderly people (often stroke victims) I was regarded I think as a bit unusual. Again, nursing and healthcare assistants were wonderful. (One healthcare assistant “John” loved rugby and we had long chats.) And the physios and occupational therapists made such a difference.

Finally, in the last week of November I came home. (Home to find that a wheelchair ramp had been installed courtesy of NHS and social services.)

I write all this to show that our NHS is a wonderful thing. It is not perfect. But we must fight for it. If we value it why don’t we let politicians know? Why don’t we say we would pay more taxes if we knew it was going to the NHS? Why don’t we tell our politicians we don’t want the NHS sold off bit by bit to Richard Branson’s Virgin Healthcare?

My paternal grandfather was called Fred Gray. Fred served on the board of a charity called Tredegar Mutual Aid. It was set up so that coal miners and their families in Tredegar in South Wales could have medical care. Everyone contributed to the fund and got healthcare consequently. (It’s not a unique scheme. The Great Western Railway works in Swindon for example had something similar.) But why I mention Tredegar Mutual Aid is that a fellow board member alongside my grandfather was the Tredegar MP Aneurin Bevan – the man credited with founding the NHS.

You could say that the NHS is in my DNA courtesy of my grandfather’s association with Nye Bevan.

Bevan said, “The NHS will last as long as there are folk left with faith to fight for it.”

Fight for it I will! I owe my life to it.