Is it truth or fake news?

This is an abridged version of a sermon preached at Central Methodist Church Chippenham on Sunday 25th November 2018

I don’t know if you have ever seen a film starring Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson called “A few good men.” In the film Jack Nicholson plays a corrupt Colonel in the US Marines and Tom Cruise plays a US Navy lawyer tasked with investigating a death on a Marines base.

The climax of the film is a scene in a court room. Jack Nicholson’s character is on the stand being questioned by Tom Cruise. And Cruise keeps saying he wants the truth. Nicholson keeps evading until eventually he snaps and shouts out.

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!”

In a way, Jesus’ trial before Pilate reminds me of that, for like in all trials, it all hinges on truth. But unlike in the film, in this trial it is Pilate, the prosecutor who snaps, rather than Jesus the accused. It is Jesus who is in control not Pilate.

It may seem strange to be thinking about the story of Jesus’ trial before Pilate at this time of the year. It is normally a Bible story we associate with Good Friday. But in the church calendar, the Sunday before Advent starts is the Sunday when we think of Jesus as King and all that means. And in his encounter with Pilate, Jesus talks of his Kingship.
The passage is often referred to as “The trial before Pilate”. But in a way, it is Pilate who is on trial not Jesus. It is Pilate’s own morality and values that are on trial not Jesus.

Pilate knows that Jesus shouldn’t be on trial. Pilate says to the Jewish leaders

31 Pilate said, ‘Take him yourselves and judge him by your own law.’ John 18:31

Pilate knows that Jesus is innocent of the crime of which he is accused. Pilate knows that Jesus is not a threat to Roman rule in Judea. And that is all Pilate is concerned with – maintaining the “Pax Romana”. The peace of Rome.

But even though Pilate says in John 18:38 ‘I find no basis for a charge against him.’ and is ready to release Jesus, politics comes in to play. And then, as now, politics and the truth are not often acquainted.

Pilate can be regarded as the most powerful person in Jerusalem. As Lamar Williamson puts it in his commentary on John’s gospel, Pilate is “the local representative of the greatest power of the time.”

But Pilate, supposedly in control, is trapped by fear. The Jewish leaders want Jesus crucified. If Pilate doesn’t do what they want he is undermined. Will he lose control? Does he have enough troops to quell the trouble the Jewish leaders might stir up? How will it look in Rome if he is not able to keep control in Jerusalem? How will it affect his career?

In his heart Pilate knows that Jesus is innocent. But Pilate is a politician and he has to do the correct political thing. And that thing, for the good of Rome and to save his own skin, is to find Jesus guilty in some way. That will keep the local leaders happy and on side. And after all, what’s one more dead Jew?

After hearing Pilate’s trumped up charges, Jesus says:

‘the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’ John 18:37

But Pilate retorts

38 ‘What is truth?’

Those words of Pilate could be spoken by a politician today. Use your imagination for a moment. Think of Pilate as having dyed blond hair that seems to have a mind of its own; a fake tan and wearing a suit that always seems slightly too tight.

Jesus says:
the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’ John 18:37

And our blond, fake tanned, overweight Pilate replies

“What is truth? It’s all fake news.”

Pilate and Jesus were coming at things very differently. Pilate was interested in self-preservation. Of being in control of his own destiny. If this meant bending the truth or ignoring it all together so be it. (Sound familiar?) Whereas Jesus’ values embody the truth. God’s truth. One of the foundations of the Kingdom of God.

It’s worth hearing what Jesus says in John 18:37 once more:

‘the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’

Jesus saying that he is the truth, is a theme found in several different places in John’s Gospel. In John 14:6 Jesus told his disciples:

6 ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

And earlier, in John chapter 8 Jesus said

‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’

“The truth will set you free”. If Pilate had accepted what Jesus was teaching, Pilate would not have been held captive by the shackles of ambition and power. The same goes for so many politicians today.

But the same goes for the followers of Jesus too.

On this last Sunday of the Christian year, the Church proclaims Christ the King. As ruler over all. On this day we reaffirm that we bow down only to Christ. We reaffirm that the Church does not give allegiance to any other person, principality or power that claims to be sovereign. We affirm that when Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life” , that is what we believe.

Do we really embody the truth of Christ? Sadly, not entirely. Why? Because we water down Jesus’ truth or corrupt it so as not to offend. And we do this I think to try and maintain a voice in society.

But the voice we then have isn’t Jesus’ voice speaking Jesus’ truth. And we know in our hearts that Jesus’ truth is often hard to accept.

More and more the church is afraid to speak the truth of Jesus to power. And it seems to me that more and more the Church is backing off when faced with the equivalent of Pilate saying, “What is truth?” Or, to put it in a more contemporary way when faced with “What the Church is saying is fake news” we back off. Or even worse, we water down the truth of Jesus to try and get a seat at the top table.

We’ve seen this happen in Nazi Germany in 1930s where a large part of the Church supported Hitler. We’ve seen it in places like China where the Church goes along with the regime in order to still exist. Dare I say it we are seeing in the USA where white conservative evangelicals have bought in to Donald Trump’s agenda. And I feel in our own country at times the Church is not vocal enough on social issues.

One of the truths Jesus spoke was one we all know, “Love your neighbour as yourself”. But have we done that? Have we loved our black neighbour, our Jewish neighbour, our Muslim neighbour? Have we loved our divorced neighbour? Our gay neighbour? Our single mum on benefits neighbour? Have we loved our Polish immigrant neighbour? Our assylum seeker neighbour?

Have we lived Jesus’ truth in caring for the sick? And those in prison? Have we lived his truth by clothing the naked or giving the thirsty water? It is easy to think that these are someone else’s responsibility. After all, when did we encounter someone who was naked or sick or thirsty or in prison? But that misses the point. Nowadays, in a world more complex than at the time of Jesus, the care of the sick, the naked, those in prison and the thirsty often falls to governments. Therefore, we can speak Jesus’ truth by ensuring that wealthy countries support poorer countries and that in our own country our health and welfare care is doing the job properly for the most vulnerable. And that prisoners are treated well including being educated and trained.

It's worth remembering that Jesus said

Luke 4:18

18 ‘The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,

Jesus' truth is therefore about Good News not Fake News.
e
Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’

Then later Jesus says

“… the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’
38 ‘What is truth?’ retorted Pilate.

Are we on the side of Jesus’ truth? Do we seek to uphold his truth? And do we seek to ensure others uphold Jesus truth too?

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! Jesus truth!”

 

Dreams and visions

I’ve shared elsewhere in my blog how on 2nd September 2016 I collapsed with a previously undiagnosed “Triple A” – abdominal aortic aneurysm. You can read the story here
https://notanormalvicar.blogspot.com/2017/05/nhs-i-owe-you-my-life.html

But up to now I’ve not shared much about my experience on the ICU ward at Southmead hospital. What follows is an abridged version of a talk I gave to the annual general meeting of Willows Counselling Service covering my time in ICU and the impact it had on my mental health. It's purely based on my experience. And it may be that a little knowledge from the internet is a dangerous thing! But in researching the topic, it has helped me find some answers.

Willows AGM - Dreams & Visions

Following surgery at Southmead I was transferred to the Intensive Care Unit and placed in a medically induced coma. And by all accounts one of the challenges was that I was fighting the sedation, so I was on some powerful stuff!

Now I promise this isn’t meant to be a synopsis of an episode of Casualty. I am getting to the point of my talk this evening. “Young men will see visions; Old men will dream dreams”

That phrase comes from the Bible. From Acts of the Apostles chapter 2. It is a phrase spoken by Peter on the Day of Pentecost.

17 ‘“In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.

And when I was asked for a title for my talk, that phrase “Young men will see visions, Old men will dream dreams” popped in to my head. Because what I want to share with you is a flavour of the “dreams and visions” I experienced during my time in ICU and what that meant for my own mental health. And I hope that by sharing it may give some of our counsellors some insights, or at least an understanding, of the trauma ICU patients can face.

ICU

As I say, I was heavily sedated for about 3 weeks. During that time, I had no real sense or recollection of what was going on or who was visiting.
But my brain was clearly very active because I experienced many dreams and hallucinations. Though these weren’t dreams and visions inspired by the Holy Spirit!

All of us dream, don’t we? Some of us remember our dreams. Some of us don’t. I remember most of my dreams normally. But the dreams I had in ICU were like nothing else. Some were dreamlike in that they were funny and pleasant. But others were scary and frightening nightmares. They were vivid, colourful and very lifelike. In fact, like nothing I’d experienced before or since.

They very fact that the dreams were so vivid and “real” caused problems later. For example, for some reason in one of my dreams a male nurse was black mailing me. But as I regained consciousness and this nurse treated me I was scared of him. Though I couldn’t express this as I had a tracheotomy.

And another dream which had real consequences – to me at least - involved me being booked on a flight to the USA on 21st September to go out to be treated by the top specialist in the world for my condition. All arranged by real American friends.

By this stage I was again semi-conscious, and I was trying to write notes for my wife to explain I was flying to America. She thought I was referring to a holiday we were supposed to be having at the end of September to coincide with our 30th wedding anniversary. Not being able to tell her about my “flight” to the USA was very frustrating.
There are many more dreams I can recall. As I say some very funny and some horrible. But I don’t need to go further. I’ll keep them for my novel!

I was transferred from ICU on 27th September – our wedding anniversary. I spent the next month on the vascular ward at Southmead and a further 3 weeks in Chippenham hospital. I was finally discharged from hospital in late November – after almost 3 months.

Dreams, hallucinations or psychosis?

As I said earlier, the reason for sharing this is to give you as counsellors and supporters of Willows an idea of the trauma faced by people who have undergone heavy sedation.
I’m not sure what the best term is to describe the trauma. The condition seems to be called Sedation hallucinations, delirium and ICU Psychosis. Please forgive me if I use several different terms. I suppose they may mean different things medically. But for a lay person like me, they seem synonymous.

If you Google sedation hallucinations, you will find a great deal of material and research on the subject. In fact, it seems clear that for as long as there have been anaesthetics, there have been sedation hallucinations.

One web site I’ve found informative is healthtalk.org. A British web site founded by two doctors and supported by the University of Oxford. There is a good section there on the condition, complete with video interviews of those who have experienced such hallucinations.

Healthtalk says this about the condition of sedation hallucinations:

Although some people had no dreams or hallucinations, for others these were an important part of their whole experience. Sometimes dreams and hallucinations caused anxiety, confusion or disorientation and some people found it difficult to distinguish between dreams, nightmares and hallucinations, particularly when they first came around.

That was very much my experience.

Other research pointed me to an American web site medicinenet.com

MedicineNet refers to what I experienced as ICU Psychosis.

(The NHS web site states that Psychosis is a mental health problem that causes people to perceive or interpret things differently from those around them. This might involve hallucinations or delusions.)

ICU psychosis facts

• ICU psychosis is a temporary condition and can be treated.
• ICU psychosis may last 24 hours or even up to two weeks with various symptoms occurring at different times.
• Many factors can be involved in causing ICU psychosis.

What causes ICU psychosis? ICU psychosis is said to be caused by Environmental and Medical causes.

Environmental Causes

• Sensory deprivation: A patient being put in a room that often has no windows, and is away from family, friends, and all that is familiar and comforting.
• Sleep disturbance and deprivation: The constant disturbance and noise with the hospital staff coming at all hours to check vital signs, give medications, etc.
• Continuous light levels: Continuous disruption of the normal biorhythms with lights on continually (no reference to day or night).
• Stress: Patients in an ICU frequently feel the almost total loss of control over their life.
• Lack of orientation: A patient's loss of time and date.
• Medical monitoring: The continuous monitoring of the patient's vital signs, and the noise monitoring devices produce can be disturbing and create sensory overload.

Looking back, I experienced all of these.

Medical Causes include:

• Pain which may not be adequately controlled in an ICU
• Medication (drug) reaction or side effects: The administration of medications typically given to the patient in the hospital setting that they have not taken before.
• Infection creating fever and toxins in the body.
• Metabolic disturbances: electrolyte imbalance, hypoxia (low blood oxygen levels), and elevated liver enzymes.
• Cumulative analgesia (the inability to feel pain while still conscious)
• Dehydration

Medically there were some factors with me – I certainly developed an infection and was briefly on dialysis to reduce the toxins.

The cluster of psychiatric symptoms of ICU psychosis include:
• extreme excitement,
• anxiety,
• restlessness,
• hearing voices,
• clouding of consciousness,
• hallucinations,
• nightmares,
• paranoia,
• disorientation,
• agitation,
• delusions,
• abnormal behaviour,
• fluctuating level of consciousness which include aggressive or passive behaviour.

I now realise that I experienced most of these.

MedicineNet says: “In short, patients become temporarily psychotic. The symptoms vary greatly from patient to patient. The onset of ICU psychosis is usually rapid, and is upsetting and frightening to the patient and family members.”

This is interesting, as my family didn’t realise what I had been experiencing and, as mentioned, I couldn’t tell them. And apart from one nurse who thought I was becoming depressed, so arranged for me to be moved to a room with a view, the medical staff seemed unaware of what was going on.

MedicineNet goes on to explain how ICU psychosis is treated.

The treatment of ICU psychosis clearly depends on the cause(s).

Many times, the actual cause of the psychosis involves many factors, and many issues will need to be addressed to relieve the symptoms.

In my case the psychosis, if that is what it was, wasn’t treated per se. I was just gradually taken off the heavy sedation and the infection cleared up. And the dreams and hallucinations ended. Being moved to the room with a view was the only “treatment” I had for the condition.
But I’m not complaining. I agree with MedicineNet

“It should be understood that in saving a life in the critical environment, ICU psychosis sometimes may be a small price to pay for cutting edge, precise medical life-saving measures.”

My online research identified a paper called Sedation in the intensive care unit by Rowe and Fletcher Oxford 2008. This refers to what I experienced as delirium. The paper states:

The recognition and management of delirium is important; it occurs in up to 80% of ICU patients during their admission.

As I said, although I don’t blame Southmead, I am surprised they didn’t check me for ICU psychosis / delirium / sedation hallucinations as it is so common.

Coming to terms with what happened

After coming home from hospital, with more time to think and reflect, I realised that the ICU psychosis (I’ll stick with that phrase) had left a mark on me. But what was I to do?

No one in hospital had mentioned the condition to me. No one had asked me whether I was suffering from it or asked about symptoms.

During my time in hospital one Methodist minister who supported me and my family was Paul. (Not his real name.) Paul has done a great deal of work in hospital chaplaincy, therefore he is very knowledgeable on many medical matters. When I described to him – in broad terms – my hallucinations, he firstly affirmed that this was a very common occurrence for someone who had been heavily sedated. And he suggested that when I was ready, I should speak to a counsellor.

I learned later, that Paul knew of another Methodist minister who had experienced a very similar thing to me. And he drew on his experience of dealing with that colleague when speaking to me. That colleague had received counselling and it had been very beneficial.

Also, about 10 days after coming out of hospital, I took a Skype call from a friend who lives in the USA. 4 years ago, my friend had a massive heart attack. He ended up with a quadruple by pass. He’d called to encourage me. And almost as an aside he said, “Did you have weird dreams when you were in ICU?” He had had the same experience as me which was reassuring.

After being out of hospital for a couple of months I arranged to see a counsellor. With the counsellor I felt able to speak of all the hallucinations I’d had. This wasn’t easy as the hallucinations that had been the scariest, were often very violent and sexual (think of a Quentin Tarantino movie on steroids!) I’d been too embarrassed to talk about these to someone else. (My research has found this such hallucinations are not uncommon – which is something of a relief!)

I was also able to share with the counsellor something that had been of a great concern for me. And that was a missing month of my life. This loss of time and date is one of the environmental causes of ICU psychosis.

It is hard to explain, but during my time in hospital and during the first few months at home, it felt strange that there was pretty much a whole month of my life that I have no recollection about. Between arriving at Southmead around 5pm on 2nd September and my leaving ICU on 27th September I have virtually no recollection. I just abut recall some things about my last week on ICU but that is sketchy.

For a long time, this missing month was a worry for me. The counsellor helped me talk about this. And to a large extent helped me cope with it. But it took me many months to realise I’d not missed anything! Strangely enough, as I prepared this talk, I Googled events of September 2016 just to confirm I’d not missed anything. I don’t think I have!

Conclusion

It is only in the last 3 or 4 months I think that I really feel as if I have finally moved on. Although I’ve never had flash backs as such, I’d been able to recall the hallucinations. And until recently my mind did often seem to go back to them. Though it felt detached, like I was looking at a film. They didn’t seem connected to me any longer.

Some of you here this evening who are counsellors may have had clients with similar issues to me and if so, I’m sure you’ve helped them by allowing them to talk about them. But some of you may not have encountered this before – and may never encounter it – but I hope by sharing what I have experienced, you may have some greater knowledge to take back with you.

Most people connected with Willows – though not all – are Christians. If you’re not a Christian, my closing comments won’t mean much. But for Christians I think it is important for me to share one other thing.

Not long after being home, a clergy colleague came to visit. We had a good long chat and then he said, “So how are things between you and God?” I don’t know what he was expecting me to say. Perhaps he assumed I’d be angry at God. But I was able to say to him “Things are fine with me and God.”

From that moment of peace in the ambulance travelling to Southmead, throughout my time in hospital and during my recovery, I’ve felt closer to God than ever before. I don’t know what caused my aorta to fail but it wasn’t God. God didn’t wish what happened to me to happen. It just did.

For many years, a verse of scripture that has meant a lot to me is Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I’ve clung on to these words of hope. I don’t know what is next for me. I’m up for whatever God has in mind. Though I’d rather it didn’t involve ambulances, doctors, nurses and machines that go “ping”!

Sources

https://www.medicinenet.com/icu_psychosis/article.htm#how_is_icu_psychosis_treated
http://www.healthtalk.org/peoples-experiences/intensive-care/intensive-care-patients-experiences/sleep-dreams-and-hallucinations-icu
https://academic.oup.com/bjaed/article/8/2/50/338650

Be a Christian and not a complete jerk!

This is an abridged version of a sermon preached at Studley Methodist Church on 2nd September 2018

Quite a few times over the years I’ve been a minister, I’ve had conversations with people who are always keen to point out that they aren’t religious. This has often been when I am meeting a family to discuss the funeral arrangements for a relative. “I’m not religious but mum was.”

And I’ve long pondered what people mean by “religious” or “not religious”.

The dictionary tells us that:

Religion is belief in a god or gods and the activities that are connected with this belief, such as praying or worshipping in a building such as a church or temple.

Therefore, someone who is religious follows the teachings and practices of a religion.

I can see that. I don’t know about you, but from time to time I’ve encountered people who would claim to be religious, or others would see them as religious, but they do not exemplify what it means to be a follower of their faith.

The American humourist Garrison Keiller once said:

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

Had the writer of the Letter of James been around in the time of the car, it is something he could have said. As clearly for James, disciples of Christ must live out their faith, practise it.

27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

This verse is a neat summary of James’ theology or how James thinks about what it means to be a disciple of Christ. A follower of Christ. The verse is also a neat summary of what one feature of the Christian religion is about – love of neighbour.

Jesus’ teachings were crystal clear on this point. As laid out for example in Luke 10 – the Parable of the Good Samaritan. And in John’s Gospel too:

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35 New International Version (NIV)

For James then, to be a true member of the Christian religion means loving our neighbour and loving one another. James expresses it specifically by referring to the care of orphans and widows in their distress. (Probably a specific issue for the early church.)

I’m not saying anything revolutionary. Nevertheless, it’s worth being reminded of it. To be a member of the Christian religion we must love other people in a Christlike way.

Coming back to my point earlier about people saying they are not religious. When this has come up in conversation I’ve often asked, “Why aren’t you religious?” For some there is outright atheism.

But for others, the reason they are not "religious" is because they have seen the behaviour of some people who claim to be Christians. Or they have been on the receiving end of inappropriate behaviour from people who say they are Christians.

Once again, the Catholic church has been in the news for all the wrong reasons recently due to the scandal of physical and sexual abuse of children. In Ireland, in Pennsylvania, in Australia.

Such immoral and illegal behaviour turns people away from being followers of Christ. And let’s face it, tars all of us with the same brush.

Mahatma Gandhi was very knowledgeable about the teachings of Jesus although Gandhi was a Hindu. Gandhi once said:

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

All too often that is how it can seem to those outside the church looking in. We preach loving our neighbour, caring for widows and orphans and the sick and the poor. But then we demonstrate the complete opposite of these things.

American minister John Pavlovitz put it this way:

“Sometimes the best evangelism is simply telling people you’re a Christian and then not being a complete jerk!”

Christians aren't perfect. If we were perfect we wouldn't need forgiveness for our sins. But as Christians we should try to the uttermost to care for others, not to harm others and to keep ourselves "from being polluted by the world"

Be a true Christian not a jerk!

Whom shall I send?

The following is an abridged text of a sermon preached at Sheldon Road Methodist Church Chippenham on 27th May 2018 It draws closely on Isaiah 6: 1 - 8


A point that was drummed in to me when I was training as a local preacher almost 30 years ago now was that there is nothing worse for preachers than making the sermon about them and their testimony. I would add in my defence, it wasn’t drummed in to me because I tended to make sermons about me, it was a point made to the half dozen of us who trained together at that time.

But with the words of the several ministers and local preachers who taught me on the Local Preacher’s course ringing in my ears, I’ll ask your forgiveness if I ignore them for a moment. As I want to start off my sermon by briefly telling you how I came to be here this morning.

Back in 1991, Anne and I were having a long weekend in Ripon in North Yorkshire. On the Sunday morning we thought we’d go to the Cathedral to worship. I couldn’t tell you who the preacher was. I couldn’t tell you what he preached on – though as it was the Sunday after Easter I imagine it was something Easter related!

But during the sermon I had that Wesleyan experience of my heart being strangely warmed. And I knew there and then that God was calling me to be a local preacher. Until that point I don’t think I’d ever thought about this before. I certainly don’t remember anyone suggesting this to me. But on that Sunday morning in Ripon I felt God’s call to preach.

And I deliberately say Felt God’s call. For despite the beautiful and tranquil surroundings of Ripon Cathedral, I can’t say:

I saw the Lord, high and exalted,seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Isaiah 6

There was a distinct lack of

2 … seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.

And the only time I heard “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty” was during the Communion service.

I can also categorically say that no doorposts shook, and the cathedral was not filled with smoke. I just felt called to be a Local Preacher.

On returning home, I contacted the Superintendent minister and got my note to preach and off I went on my Local Preacher training. And on Sunday 23rd October 1994 I became fully accredited.

And that was how things were for the next few years. What did our friend Jo know when she said, “You’d make a wonderful minister”? She’d lived in Brussels for 10 years and had never heard me preach. How could God be speaking to me through her?

And how could a long-retired Methodist Chair of District, now attending a little chapel in Warwickshire, know anything when he said to me “You should really consider training for the ministry”?

With hindsight I had several such encounters over the space of 6 or 7 years. And all the while the person who knows me best, my wife, would say. “When are you going to offer for the ministry then?”

After taking a service at Cirencester Methodist on 23rd December 2001 God decided he’d send yet another messenger to me, this time in the face of a member of the church who I held – and still do - in great respect. I’d preached on the theme “Nothing is impossible with God”. And as if to prove it God sent George to speak to me at the end of the service “You really should consider entering the ministry David” and I found myself saying “Yes.”

I can’t say it was “Here I am Lord send me”. It was more “Oh alright I’ll give it a go”. I wasn’t convinced it would happen. I didn’t think I’d get through all the hoops prospective ministers have to go through – especially when I saw several close friends either be turned down or walk away. People far more gifted than I.

By the way, my wife's reaction was "What took you so long?"

But with reluctance. With doubts. I finally answered God’s call after he had sent several good and faithful servants to speak to me.

So there. I’ve broken the rules by telling you about myself and how I came to be a minister.

Why have I done this? Well, obviously the passage from Isaiah we’ve heard speaking of Isaiah’s call is something to do with it. But there is more than that.

I recently went to a Methodist meeting in Bristol. It is a meeting held around this time every year to explain the process for ministers entering stationing. If you’re not up with Methodist Church procedures, usually a minister is “stationed” in a Methodist Circuit for a five-year period. Towards the end of the fourth year the minister then must decide whether he or she would like to remain where they are or go in to the stationing process. The meeting I went to was about how the process will run this year as I may be entering stationing in September.

The message that came through loud and clear at the meeting was that there is now a chronic shortage of ministers. This means that it is highly likely that some churches needing a replacement minister will have to go without. I was aware of this before going to the meeting. But the meeting reiterated it.

But most of all, as I started to prepare my sermon I just kept hearing those words from Isaiah:

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” Isaiah 6:8

Then in a book I’ve been reading “When God is silent” by Barbara Brown Taylor, I read the following:

“If God spoke directly to people, then preachers could retire. As it is, God’s reticence is the problem clergy are called to address.”

When God is silent: divine language beyond words by Barbara Brown Taylor 2013 Canterbury Press

I think God wants me to remind you he’s calling:

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

God spoke those words seeking to call Isaiah to his ministry as a prophet. But God speaks those words to all of us.

8 …. “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

I believe those words aren’t just addressed to those hearing a call to be a local preacher or even a minister. Though if you are, praise the Lord! God calls each one of us to ministry. And ministry takes many forms. As Paul puts it in 1 Corinthians 12

4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.1 Corinthians 12: 4 – 6

I truly believe that God has a ministry for each of us. The challenge for each of us is having the courage to accept the call to that ministry.

8 …. “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

Isaiah 6: 1 – 8 sounds very positive. God calls Isaiah to be a prophet. Isaiah thinks he’s unworthy. God blesses him and Isaiah accepts:

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

But, if we go on further in the chapter, we realise what Isaiah was signing up to. He is being told by God to do a hard job. To tell the people of Israel that God is going to allow the King of Assyria to come and conquer their land and lay it waste.

It’s useful to go on past Isaiah 6:8 because we then learn that, when we respond to God’s call, we’re not promised that everything will be easy.

I, like many, always pause and reflect on the words we hear in the Methodist Covenant service:

Christ has many services to be done:
some are easy, others are difficult;
some bring honour, others bring reproach;
some are suitable to our natural inclinations and material interests,
others are contrary to both;
in some we may please Christ and please ourselves;
in others we cannot please Christ except by denying ourselves.

The words are a useful reminder of what the cost of serving the Lord Jesus can be at times.

We are all aware that a call does not always come at a convenient time in our lives. Think about those annoying sales calls. Three things give away telephone solicitors. First, they call during a meal, or at some other equally inconvenient time. Second, if your name isn't Smith or Jones, they will probably mispronounce it. Third, they don't understand phrases such as, "No, thank you," or "I’ve not had a car crash." Or “No I wasn’t mis-sold PPI.” These callers are persistent and have a prepared counterattack to any excuse we offer for not buying their product.

The national "Telephone Preference Service" has helped that situation somewhat. Maybe the new Data Protection Regulations will too. But God doesn’t comply with GDPR! We can’t opt out of being on God’s mailing list. Yes, we can turn our backs on his call. But he’ll keep calling. He’ll keep using the voices of friends, words in books and even preachers to remind us he’s calling.

Just as God called the prophet Isaiah, God also calls us, and the call can be very persistent. We may try explaining to God that this is not a convenient time for a call. We offer all manner of excuses to God, too. "But God, I like my current job." "I have young children still at home." "I can't afford it." "I simply cannot do that thing." "I don't have the right training, background, experience, education...." The excuses go on and on. But God will keep on calling when he feels the time is right.

Although your call will probably not be recorded the way Isaiah's is, being chosen by God is an awesome responsibility.

Jesus did not call any rabbis or priests to be his disciples. He called laypersons exclusively. God calls disciples from all walks of life to seek justice, love kindness and mercy, and walk humbly with God. The church is called to equip disciples and to send them into the world to accomplish God's work.

Some of you will have found your ministry, while others are searching for a way to use their gifts. Some of you even believe you don't have any gifts God can use but let me assure you that God can use you – sometimes in ways you would never have thought possible.

God empowers and equips us for the work within the church and community. Prayer is important. Take time to pray and take time to listen – especially to what friends are saying. And remember, each one of us is an integral part of the body of Christ – the Church.

Throughout your lifetime, God has always been at work within you. Examine your skills, interests, the needs of the Christian community, and even the needs of the world. Each of you is invited to participate in God's work of reconciling the world to God.

When God comes calling, what will be your response?

God may be calling you right now with a special job that only you can do. Is your spiritual mobile phone turned on? Listen to God's call.
Along with Isaiah, we hear the question, "Whom shall we send, and who will go for us?" Can you say along with Isaiah, "Here am I, Lord. Send me!"?

The Art of friendship

I recently went to the theatre in Bath to see a play called “Art!” Set in Paris in the current day, the story revolves around three friends—Serge, Marc and Yvan— who find their previously solid 15-year friendship on shaky ground when Serge buys an expensive painting. The canvas is totally white, apparently with a few white lines.

Serge is proud of his 200,000 euro acquisition, fully expecting the approval of his friends. But Marc is very dismissive about the painting. And in fact Marc becomes very angry.
At first it seems that Marc’s anger is about the painting and the waste of money. But as the story is told maybe he is angry at his friend Serge for other reasons?

For the insecure Yvan, burdened by the problems of his impending wedding, his family and a job he dislikes, their friendship is his sanctuary. He dislikes the tension between Marc and Serge. But his attempts at peace-making backfire. Eager to please he laughs about the painting with Marc but tells Serge he likes it. Eventually Yvan is pulled into the disagreement and a blazing row takes place between the three.

They square off over the painting, using it as an excuse to relentlessly batter one another over various failures. As their arguments become less about art and more personal, the friends are close to destroying their friendship.

It all sounds a bit grim, yet it is a very funny play which contains many truths. On one level the play points a finger at the art world and its pretentions. But at another level it looks at friendships and all their complexities. Especially when friendships are under strain.

Friendships can be so important. Some are brief, perhaps typified by those made in school or at work. Some are for a season. But others stand the test of time. And real friendships are those that remain strong despite the turmoils of life. Despite disagreements. Despite seeing the faults in the other.

And those long, strong friendships may have an influence on our lives that we don’t realise.

Going back to the play, this is something Yvan tries to explain (unsuccessfully) to his friends. Yvan has been seeing a counsellor for some time. And he shares with his friends something his therapist recently said to him:

“If I’m who I am because I’m who I am and you’re who you are because you are who you are, then I’m who I am and you’re who you are. But, on the other hand if I’m who I am because you’re who you are and you’re who you are because I’m who I am, then I’m not who I am and you’re not who you are …” Art by Yasmina Reza translated by Christopher Hampton Faber & Faber 1996

Yvan friend Marc replies somewhat tartly “How much do you pay this man for this advice?”

And yet, there is a truth there. Our friendships can determine how we look at life. We are who we are because of the influence of others and interaction with others. Archbishop Desmond Tutu in his truth and reconciliation work has spoken of the concept of Ubuntu. Ubuntu is a concept meaning “I am because you are.” It embraces the idea that humans cannot exist in isolation. We depend on connection, community, and caring — simply, we cannot be without each other. This philosophy requires a conscious shift in how we think about ourselves and others, especially at a time when our nation is more divided than ever. (I am grateful to a friend of mine for mentioning this idea to me very recently.)

We know that Jesus placed a great emphasis on friendships. We see it in his relationships with Mary, Martha and Lazarus. And of course, we see it in the disciples - especially James, John and Peter.

Jesus of course had an influence on his friends. They changed how they saw life by having been in contact with Jesus. That is something of an understatement! Though in being fully human as well as fully divine Jesus may well have been influenced by his friendships.

Jesus’ friendships were tested following his arrest and crucifixion. He felt let down and rejected by his closest friends. However, following his resurrection he comes to them, he forgives them, and he reinstates them.

From time to time we may find ourselves let down by friends. We are then faced with choices. We can cut those friends off for the harm we feel they have done. And that may be the right thing to do. Or we can look at what they have done for us in the past and forgive them.

A verse of an old hymn gives good advice:

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious saviour still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms He’ll take and shield you. You will find a solace there.

Called by name

This is an abridged version of a sermon preached on Easter Day 2018 at Central Methodist Church in Chippenham

I don’t know about you but sometimes I get a bit annoyed when I phone up say British Gas or another company like that, I give my details and then you get “What can I do for you today David?”

Wait a minute. We’ve not been introduced. You don’t know me. Why are we suddenly on first name terms? But then I think of the alternative “What can I do for you today Mr Gray” and I immediately assume they’re talking about my Dad!

And perhaps you’ve noticed how in some restaurants waiters and waitresses give their names. We were in a restaurant in Southampton recently and the waiter introduced himself and then wrote his name on the paper table cloth, so we wouldn’t forget!

Call centre staff are trained to use a customer’s name. It’s not meant to be impolite it’s meant to make them human and to make us as a customer feel valued. Whether it has that effect or not I’ll leave up to you to decide.

In 2013, the late Dr Kate Granger was in hospital. At that time Dr Granger was being treated for terminal cancer and this meant frequent stays in hospital. During a hospital stay in August 2013, Kate Granger realised that many staff looking after her did not introduce themselves before delivering her care. In Kate Granger’s words “It felt incredibly wrong that such a basic step in communication was missing.”

Kate Granger decided to do something about it. And following her discharge from hospital Kate and her husband started a campaign, mainly using Twitter, to encourage and remind healthcare staff about the importance of introductions in healthcare.

Again, in Kate Granger’s words:

"I firmly believe it is not just about common courtesy, but it runs much deeper. Introductions are about making a human connection between one human being who is suffering and vulnerable, and another human being who wishes to help"

Sadly, Kate died in 2016. But the effect of her campaign was noticeable. During my stay in hospital in autumn 2016 I can’t think of one member of staff, from the lowliest porter to the most senior consultant surgeon, who didn’t introduce themselves by name. It did make a connection and it put me at ease.

The social media site Twitter has now had 1.8 billion contacts via the #hellomynameis campaign.

Using our name and being invited to call someone by their name is such an important part of making a connection.

The story of Jesus’ resurrection as told in John’s Gospel chapter 20 has Mary Magdalene encountering Jesus. BUt although they have a conversation, it isn’t until Jesus calls her by name, that she recognises him.

14 At this, Mary turned round and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realise that it was Jesus.
15 He asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?’
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.’
16 Jesus said to her, ‘Mary.’
She turned towards him and cried out in Aramaic, ‘Rabboni!’ (which means ‘Teacher’). John 20: 14 - 16

Although she sees him. Although she talks with him. Mary doesn’t recognise him. Why that should be the case John doesn’t tell us. It’s not something to get hung up on. After all, Mary would not have been expecting to see Jesus alive in front of her. She’d seen him die. She’d help bury his body. We all know that people who are dead and buried don’t appear again.

But when Jesus calls her by name she recognises him.

Perhaps there is an echo of what Kate Granger said going on then

"Introductions are about making a human connection between one human being who is suffering and vulnerable, and another human being who wishes to help"

Of course, it’s an analogy we can only take so far. Jesus is both human and divine. But somehow when Jesus uses Mary’s name, things change.

I think it no coincidence that John includes this account. Because in chapter 10 of John’s Gospel when Jesus describes himself as the Good Shepherd and we his followers as his sheep we hear these words:

The Good Shepherd calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. John 10:3
And later in the same passage Jesus says:
14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me John 10:14

It’s not surprising therefore that Mary recognises the risen Jesus Christ when the Good Shepherd’s voice is heard calling her by name.

14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me,

To be known by name, to be called by our name, is so important to our well being as humans. To be called by name by the Good Shepherd, the Risen Good Shepherd is more so.
To not have our name called or known means we go unrecognised and unnoticed. Go back to school days and remember the agony of not having your name called out to be on a team or take part in a play. If you remember such an occasion, you’ll remember too the feeling of being left out. Of being an outsider.

When nobody knows or calls your name, you stand outside the community. When your name is known and called, you are enfolded in the community. Thus, when Mary’s name was called by the risen Jesus, she is brought into the family of the Easter people. The people who believe in the Risen Jesus. But from her point of view she recognises for herself the power of the risen Jesus and all his resurrection means. Love and Eternal Life.

Christians are sometimes called the Easter people or Easter community. We have heard the Good Shepherd calling our names. Yes, sometimes we might think his call isn’t so much a call as a whisper. Nevertheless, we are believe because the Risen Jesus has called us, and we’ve responded to that call. Jesus, the risen Good Shepherd has called us to him, to share his love and to join him in the hope of eternal life.

The Easter people, the Church family, join Mary in being enfolded in the divine life and presence of Jesus. And being called by name into Jesus’ community. By being called by name into Jesus’ community means we take on something for Jesus - the importance of knowing and calling the names of those we encounter. Whether it is the newest member of our congregation or a person in distress seeking our help and love, we are Easter people. And Easter people are reminded of the importance of speaking the names of all we encounter. For by speaking their names, we enfold others in the Easter people community both human and divine.

30 years ago there was an American sitcom on the then new Channel 4. The sitcom was called Cheers and it was set in a bar in Boston Massachusetts. It pretty much revolved around the customers and staff of the bar. A strange assortment of people but they congregated in the bar for company and companionship.

The theme song of that sitcom contained a chorus which said:

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Those words could have been written about being part of the Church family.

Though sadly we know that isn’t always the experience found in some churches.

American Methodist Bishop Gerald Kennedy once told about a young girl who lived in an apartment in a big city, and after supper in the summer the children on the block gathered in the streets to play. But after a while one would say that she had to go home because her mother told her to be in before eight o'clock. Or a father would whistle, and a boy would have to leave. A mother would call, and others would have to go. The girl said, "They would all go. It would get dark and I would be there all alone, waiting for my father or my mother to call me in. But they never did."

There are children of all ages who don't know, or have never known, the voice of a caring parent, who never get called in or called home. When what they really want, what they really need is someone to care. Someone to call their name with love, someone to reach out and let them know they matter.

Among the many joyful, hopeful messages of Easter is that the Risen Jesus Christ calls people by name. He calls them into his loving, forgiving arms. He calls them into life in all its fulness. He calls them home. He calls them by name He greets them

Hello, my name is Jesus.

Passchendaele the story of a friendship 100 years on

I’ve been reading a book called “Passchendaele – a new history” by Nick Lloyd.

I read a lot of military history. Mainly about the Second World War. But when I saw this book recently I decided to buy it as although about the First World War, Passchendaele resonates with me.

The Battle of Passchendaele, also known as the Third Battle of Ypres, was a campaign of fought by the Allies against the German Empire.[a] The battle took place on the Western Front, from July to November 1917, for control of the ridges south and east of the Belgian city of Ypres in West Flanders. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Passchendaele

The reason Passchendaele resonates with me is that I believe that my maternal grandfather Ira David Thomas fought there and was seriously wounded in the leg there. So much so that he was invalided out. I say believe as I did not know Ira (he died 2 years before I was born having suffered the physical and mental effects of his wounds all his post war life.) And by all accounts he never spoke of his experiences. My only clue to his war service is a framed certificate I came across on one occasion. The certificate mentions that Ira was “Mentioned in dispatches” for an act of bravery. (Ira was a first aider and went out under fire to bring wounded in.)

The certificate suggests this took place during the Battle of Passchendaele.

Several years ago, I visited Ypres with my wife and son. It is a pretty little town reconstructed after the First World War. And it is at Ypres every night that the dead of the First World War are remembered when the Last Post is sounded at the Menin Gate. The Menin Gate was one of the entrances to the old town and after the war it became a war memorial with the names of over fifty thousand dead who have no known grave, inscribed on it. (To attend that ceremony is hugely moving.)

I have then (I think) a connection with Passchendaele. I’ve known this for several years. But it is only when reading the book I’ve mentioned, that I realised I have another connection.

Ira’s wife (my grandmother) was Phyllis. They were married for over 50 years. She clearly had loved Ira dearly and during his last years she had cared for him constantly. (His leg was amputated in the 1950s and he suffered from depression including spending some time in a local mental hospital.) But again, she said very little about him. (If this wasn't enough, Phyllis had been engaged before she met Ira. Her fiance - Clarence - was killed in the First World War. I have his cap badge. He served in the Royal Artillery.)

In the last couple of years of her life Phyllis had several serious strokes. These left her paralysed down her right side and unable to speak apart from one or two words.

In 1980, I’d just finished my “O” levels. Some friends were hosting a German student whose family they’d met on holiday. The student (I’ll call her Barbara) came from Bavaria, and during those weeks of the school holiday, Barbara and I became friends. And it is a friendship that exists to this day. (In fact, all being well, this summer my wife and I will be going on holiday with Barbara and her husband Peter)

On several occasions during that 1980 summer Barbara came to my house and met my grandmother. We explained to Grandma that Barbara came from Germany. And I could see Grandma trying to form some words. Eventually she said “Ira” and shook her head.

I was a bit concerned, would Grandma display some hatred of German people? I should have known my loving, caring, Christian, Grandma better. For she looked at Barbara and I, smiled and said “Friends. Good. War bad. No more.”

Like people of her generation who lived through two World Wars she knew the cost of war. And she knew it personally. She did not want to see me (or her other grandsons) fighting. She wanted to see peace and friendship between countries.

On reading “Passchendaele – a new history” I made another connection with Passchendaele. Many of the German troops at Passchendaele were from Bavarian regiments. (Ira brought home with him an Iron Cross and a Crucifix found on the battle field. Many Bavarians are Catholic.)

I’ve no idea whether Barbara’s grandfather fought in the First World War (or the Second World War for that matter.) But to think that Ira could have been fighting Bavarian relatives of Barbara, or at least people who came from her town, makes our friendship even more important.

Micah 4:3 New International Version - UK (NIVUK)

3 He will judge between many peoples
and will settle disputes for strong nations far and wide.
They will beat their swords into ploughshares
and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will not take up sword against nation,
nor will they train for war any more.

Christian Today article " A Methodist Minister describes how he survived a devastating illness - through God's Grace

What follows is an article I was invited to write for the online magazine Christian Today. You'll find the link to that at the end of the blog.

2nd September 2016 was going to be a lovely day. My wife and I had it all planned out. We’d go to a garden centre in the morning to see if they had any patio furniture in the end of season sale. Then drive up into the Cotswolds for lunch, before heading to Stratford-upon-Avon in the evening for a friend’s wedding. That was the plan …

Returning to the car after shopping, I felt a sudden stabbing pain in my back near my kidneys and collapsed. My wife (a senior nurse) suspected a kidney stone but as I was drifting in an out of consciousness she called an ambulance while some fellow customers and a first aider from the shop kept an eye on me.

A paramedic arrived and checked me over. He was concerned that my blood pressure was low and felt I needed to get to hospital in Bath (about 20 miles away.) There was no ambulance available, so he decided to drive me in his car. With me hanging on to a saline drip with one hand and the door handle with the other.

We got to Bath, and I was seen quickly. Time blurred but I remember a doctor sending me for a CT scan. As I came out of the scanner I knew something was seriously wrong. There was a resuscitation team on standby and I was moved from the scanner to the trolley very carefully.

Back in the A&E the doctor told me that I had a “Triple A” (abdominal aortic aneurysm). In layman’s terms the aorta was leaking and was on the point of rupture. “It’s very serious Mr. Gray. In fact, 50:50. We are transferring you to Southmead Hospital Bristol for urgent surgery.”

I had enough time to say goodbye to my wife, before being placed in an ambulance.

Lying in the back of the ambulance, all I remember is feeling really at peace. I knew I was in God’s hands. I wasn’t afraid. I was worried for my wife and son. But as for me, I was with God. I gave myself to God, trusting in his promises and relying on his grace.

(With hindsight this peace and tranquillity was literally a Godsend. I’m sure if I’d been stressed it would not have helped the condition at all.)

I remember arriving at Southmead but after that nothing. In fact, three weeks went by before I knew anything again. (I spent three weeks in the Intensive Care Unit having had several emergency operations. My wife tells me the first 24 – 72 hours were “touch and go”.)

I woke to find that due to having a deep vein thrombosis, my right leg was paralysed. (The blood supply to the nerves was cut off and the nerves severely damaged.)
I remained in Southmead until early November before being transferred to a rehabilitation ward at our local cottage hospital. By the end of November, I was back home.
It was only on coming home that I think the enormity of what had happened hit me. Having to be brought into the house in a wheelchair up the ramp now built at the rear of the house has that effect.

Over the next six months or so, I received incredible support from community physiotherapists who got me from being reliant solely on a wheelchair, to walking with a Zimmer frame, to walking with crutches. All the while my wife did the exercises with me and cared for me.

By the autumn I was driving our now adapted car and this gave me a sense of getting back to normal – or at least the new normal. And finally, on 7th January 2018, I started back to active ministry (on a part time basis) by leading the powerful Methodist Covenant service. My right leg still isn’t fully functional but it is vastly improved.
During the first few months at home, two of my frequent visitors were fellow clergy but from different denominations. They both prayed with me and talked with me. And one of them asked me one day “So how are things between you and God?”

It was a very good question. But I was able to answer straight away that things between me and God were fine. I didn’t blame God for what had happened, I’d felt God’s presence with me from that moment in the ambulance and I was at peace. I also had this real sense of my ministry not being over but it looking (inevitably) different.
I realised years ago that God doesn’t speak to me directly, but He speaks through other people. He spoke at various times through the two clergy I mentioned. He’s spoken through Methodist colleagues. And I’ve been blessed to have many wise Christian friends who have been beside me over this last 16 months and who have often given me words of encouragement.

And throughout God has sent others to be beside me. There was the Afro Caribbean ward orderly who came into my room one day whistling “Give thanks with a grateful heart.” There was the physiotherapist who was a Christian. There was the close friend who gave me a holding cross “for when you ae frightened” (which I was from time to time.)

On coming home from hospital, initially I had to have a bed downstairs. The only place to put it was my study but that left the question of how I could manage to get to a toilet and sink for washing. One of the occupational therapists who assessed the house before coming home had a bright idea. Remove the wall between my study and the downstairs cloak room. Genius! (The wall was only plasterboard.)

Now I am back at work, the wall has been restored. But as yet the study isn’t back to normal. There are still bookcases to be put back and pictures to hang. One picture that will have pride of place is a beautiful piece of calligraphy that my wife commissioned when I entered ministry. It is Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I will soon look at those words every day and wonder anew what those plans are. But I know that I have hope and a future.
As I mentioned earlier, my first service was the Methodist Covenant Service. I conducted most of the service sitting on a perch seat.
The liturgy contains these words
“Let us give ourselves to him, trusting in his promises and relying on his grace.”

I’d rather not have gone through these last 16 months. And I certainly wish my family and friends hadn’t gone through all the heartache they experienced.
But I can say with certainty, that by giving myself “to him, trusting in his promises and relying on his grace” I am here to tell the tale.

This is the link to the article https://www.christiantoday.com/article/my.story.how.i.survived.a.devastating.illness.and.gave.myself.to.godexecute1/123344.htm

I have set my rainbow in the clouds

The following is based on a sermon preached at Central Methodist Church on 7th January 2018 as part of the Covenant Service.

Just before Christmas, I went to the Arnolfini gallery in Bristol to see an exhibition of work by Grayson Perry. Grayson Perry is an English artist, known mainly for his ceramic vases. There were examples of his pots but there were also sculptures and tapestries he’d made too.

One tapestry that held my attention was one he made in 2017 called “Battle of Britain.” It was a large tapestry 3 metres wide by 7 metres long.

In the foreground we see a teenage boy, mobile phone in hand. Sat on his bike overlooking a depressing landscape.

To the boy’s left is a railway line and backing on to the line is a row of houses. These are clearly meant to represent something like a run-down council estate.

Taking up the centre of the tapestry is the scene of a park. But the children’s playground features broken equipment and a concrete skateboard park is covered in graffiti.
Beyond the park is some farmland. A lone tractor ploughs a field, but the tractor churns out dirty black exhaust smoke. Somehow the land looks poor and it is partly flooded.
In the distance we see electricity pylons. There is an elevated section of motorway clogged with traffic.

It is clearly winter as none of the trees have leaves and there are black, ominous clouds in the sky.

All in all, it is a very depressing picture. And yet, a large rainbow straddles the centre section.

I was transfixed by the tapestry and the story it told. For to me the desolation of the landscape conveying hopelessness, was transformed by the rainbow. A rainbow symbolising hope. A rainbow serving as a reminder of God’s love. I don’t know if Grayson Perry meant it in that way. But that is what it conveyed to me.

We all know the story of Noah. The building of the ark, the animals going in two by two. The flood. The rain lasting 40 days and nights. The birds flying out to see if there was any land. And then finally the rainbow.

8 Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him: 9 “I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you 10 and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth. 11 I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.” Genesis 9: 8 – 11

After the flood sent to punish the earth for sin, God showed his love and forgiveness by establishing a covenant, an agreement between God and Noah and his decedants and through them all people in future generations.

And the promise was at one level that never again would God punish the earth in this way.

13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind Genesis 9: 13 – 15

But God’s covenant made with Noah, and symbolised by the rainbow, is much more than that. God’s covenant with Noah is designed to show the world how much God loves the world. Every person, every animal, every fish in the sea, every plant. God loves everything. God’s covenant, God’s promise, is built on his love for each one of us. It is a promise that runs throughout the Bible. It is a promise that is shown in Jesus.

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

God loves the world so much, God loves each one of us so much, that God no longer seeks to punish the world but seeks to save the world through his son.

17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:17

I’ve used the word Love, but perhaps we should be thinking more about God’s grace.

Grace is God's unmerited favour. It is kindness from God that we don't deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor can ever do to earn this favour. It is a gift from God.

Webster's New World College Dictionary provides this theological definition of grace: "The unmerited love and favour of God toward human beings; divine influence acting in a person to make the person pure, morally strong; the condition of a person brought to God's favour through this influence; a special virtue, gift, or help given to a person by God."

Or as I’ve heard it explained with this acrostic:

God's
Riches
At
Christ's
Expense

As part of the service the Methodist Covenant service we sing a hymn by Charles Wesley

“Come let us use the grace divine, and all, with one accord, in a perpetual covenant join ourselves to Christ the Lord.”

Through God’s grace to us, through his Covenant stretching back to Noah and forward to today and beyond through Jesus Christ, we are assured of eternal life. And in return for this gift of grace, this gift of salvation, we promise to set aside ourselves and do what is right for Jesus Christ.

That is what Wesley’s hymn is saying and that is what we promise in the Covenant service. As the words of the service have it.

“Let us give ourselves to him, trusting in his promises and relying on his grace.”

Over the last 16 months since I have been ill and unable to participate in active ministry, I have had much time to reflect on those words.

“Let us give ourselves to him, trusting in his promises and relying on his grace.”

That’s not to say I knew them off the top of my head. It is only in re-reading the Covenant service that the words registered. But I was very familiar with the sentiment.
One thing I hope not to do now I am back in semi harness, is to dwell too much on what happened to me and my family when I was taken ill. But that said, I want to touch on something I have experienced time and again over these 16 months.

When I was rushed into hospital on 2nd September 2016 the doctor at RUH told me what was wrong, that I would have to be transferred to Southmead for an immediate operation and that what had happened was life threatening. At that moment I experienced a peace like I have never known before. I gave myself to God, trusting in his promises and relying on his grace.

Now believe me, I’d rather not have gone through that. And I certainly wish my family and friends hadn’t gone through all the heartache they experienced.

But I can say with certainty, that by giving myself “to him, trusting in his promises and relying on his grace” I am here to tell the tale.

Over New Year we spent time away with some close friends staying on a farm in Carmarthenshire. On New Year’s Day, we went for a walk in Laugharne – Dylan Thomas’ home. It is a pretty little place. The sun was shining on the river estuary. There were flocks of sea birds and wading birds on the mud flats including my favourite the oystercatcher. As we got back to the cars and took one last look across the estuary I was the first to see a rainbow. I think to everyone else, it was just a pretty sight. But to me, it was a reminder that God is good. And by his grace I am restored to you.

13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.