The Art of friendship

I recently went to the theatre in Bath to see a play called “Art!” Set in Paris in the current day, the story revolves around three friends—Serge, Marc and Yvan— who find their previously solid 15-year friendship on shaky ground when Serge buys an expensive painting. The canvas is totally white, apparently with a few white lines.

Serge is proud of his 200,000 euro acquisition, fully expecting the approval of his friends. But Marc is very dismissive about the painting. And in fact Marc becomes very angry.
At first it seems that Marc’s anger is about the painting and the waste of money. But as the story is told maybe he is angry at his friend Serge for other reasons?

For the insecure Yvan, burdened by the problems of his impending wedding, his family and a job he dislikes, their friendship is his sanctuary. He dislikes the tension between Marc and Serge. But his attempts at peace-making backfire. Eager to please he laughs about the painting with Marc but tells Serge he likes it. Eventually Yvan is pulled into the disagreement and a blazing row takes place between the three.

They square off over the painting, using it as an excuse to relentlessly batter one another over various failures. As their arguments become less about art and more personal, the friends are close to destroying their friendship.

It all sounds a bit grim, yet it is a very funny play which contains many truths. On one level the play points a finger at the art world and its pretentions. But at another level it looks at friendships and all their complexities. Especially when friendships are under strain.

Friendships can be so important. Some are brief, perhaps typified by those made in school or at work. Some are for a season. But others stand the test of time. And real friendships are those that remain strong despite the turmoils of life. Despite disagreements. Despite seeing the faults in the other.

And those long, strong friendships may have an influence on our lives that we don’t realise.

Going back to the play, this is something Yvan tries to explain (unsuccessfully) to his friends. Yvan has been seeing a counsellor for some time. And he shares with his friends something his therapist recently said to him:

“If I’m who I am because I’m who I am and you’re who you are because you are who you are, then I’m who I am and you’re who you are. But, on the other hand if I’m who I am because you’re who you are and you’re who you are because I’m who I am, then I’m not who I am and you’re not who you are …” Art by Yasmina Reza translated by Christopher Hampton Faber & Faber 1996

Yvan friend Marc replies somewhat tartly “How much do you pay this man for this advice?”

And yet, there is a truth there. Our friendships can determine how we look at life. We are who we are because of the influence of others and interaction with others. Archbishop Desmond Tutu in his truth and reconciliation work has spoken of the concept of Ubuntu. Ubuntu is a concept meaning “I am because you are.” It embraces the idea that humans cannot exist in isolation. We depend on connection, community, and caring — simply, we cannot be without each other. This philosophy requires a conscious shift in how we think about ourselves and others, especially at a time when our nation is more divided than ever. (I am grateful to a friend of mine for mentioning this idea to me very recently.)

We know that Jesus placed a great emphasis on friendships. We see it in his relationships with Mary, Martha and Lazarus. And of course, we see it in the disciples - especially James, John and Peter.

Jesus of course had an influence on his friends. They changed how they saw life by having been in contact with Jesus. That is something of an understatement! Though in being fully human as well as fully divine Jesus may well have been influenced by his friendships.

Jesus’ friendships were tested following his arrest and crucifixion. He felt let down and rejected by his closest friends. However, following his resurrection he comes to them, he forgives them, and he reinstates them.

From time to time we may find ourselves let down by friends. We are then faced with choices. We can cut those friends off for the harm we feel they have done. And that may be the right thing to do. Or we can look at what they have done for us in the past and forgive them.

A verse of an old hymn gives good advice:

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious saviour still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms He’ll take and shield you. You will find a solace there.