What a wonderful world

It’s the time of year for Harvest Festivals and Harvest Suppers. And last weekend was my first (of both) for the season. One of my little chapels chose to have their Harvest Supper on a Saturday evening. The meal was to be preceded by some entertainment from a local town.

The meal although simple was delicious and the choir were very entertaining. They concluded their set with an arrangement of “What a wonderful world”. The song made famous by Louis Armstrong in the 1960s.

I was asked to give a vote of thanks at the end of the concert and I mentioned that “What a wonderful world” is special to me. It is the first “pop” song I really remember. And my memory is of my beloved Aunty Lou playing the single on her Dansette record player for me to listen to. I would have been aged around 4 (The song came out in 1967 – do the maths.)

I’ve always liked it. And it has stayed with me for 50 years. It even redeemed an “Alternative Worship” evening over a pub in Gloucester when I was training for the ministry. (The song was put to images of the world and space played on a continuous loop on a laptop with the “worshipper” wearing headphones and looking at the screen.)

Over the last 3 years I’ve thought about the song many times and listened to it from time to time. For despite Brexit, despite wars, despite hurricanes, despite my sudden illness and my ongoing disability, despite, despite, it is a wonderful world. It is a wonderful world full of beauty and good people.

Unfortunately, all too often we don’t see it. Our news is full of the bad stuff. And we are too busy to appreciate our world and its wonder.

I think I may have said before in this (very) occasional blog, that I am grateful for something my illness and disability have given me. That I need to go slow. I can’t rush. I have to sit and watch and wait. I’m amazed at how this has happened. I always liked being busy and doing things. Now I enjoy “being”.

We have just come back from a much-needed holiday in France. One day I went with my wife, our friends and their dog to a lovely beach on the Normandy coast. It is surrounded by magnificent sand dunes. The hope was that I’d be able to go on to the beach with my mobility scooter. (As an aside, disabled access in France isn’t good.) It wasn’t possible. So, I sat on a folding chair while the three of them went off along the beach.

They were gone or an hour. But I didn’t mind. I’d enjoyed watching people and dogs wandering along. I’d enjoyed the boats out at sea. I’d enjoyed the birds (including my favourite seabird, an oystercatcher.) What a wonderful world!

Just yesterday, I went along to a club for older people called Monday Morning Mingle. The people that attend are mostly on their own, so they enjoy sitting around talking and taking part in the craft activities. A couple of the leaders of the group mentioned the harvest supper and the concert and “What a wonderful world.”

Spontaneously one of the oldest members, Ivy, started to sing the song very quietly. Gradually the chat faded as the others realised Ivy was singing. She sang it through perfectly and with real meaning. For a moment I saw the world through the eyes of this 90 something lady and I had a tear in my eye for the beauty of the moment.


I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

The colours of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself what a wonderful world

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: George Weiss / Robert Thiele
What A Wonderful World lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Concord Music Publishing LLC, Carlin America Inc, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

What we see when we look at the cross

This is the text of the sermon I preached at Central Methodist Church Chippenham on Good Friday 2019 for the town's united service. I've been asked to share it.

In his book, Lift High The Cross, Robert Morgan tells about a most unusual cross that stood on the lawn of a Dallas church one Lenten season. The cross, which was about ten foot tall, created such a stir that pictures of it were carried by newspapers across the country and a television station in Dallas filmed it.

It was an ugly thing — made from weapons of violence and crime, most of which had been confiscated by the Dallas Police Department. There were guns and pistols, knives and bayonets, bullets, bombs, and broken glass. The cross rose out of the remains of a car that had been involved in a drunk driving fatality. An ugly barbed-wire enclosure, like they use at prisons, surrounded the whole thing. It was an ugly sight — a thing of violence and death and it caused quite a controversy.

The neighbours hated it — in fact, they started a petition to have it removed. The congregation were repelled by it. They thought it was sacrilegious and had no place on the church grounds. The pastor just commented, "The reactions to our Lenten display are understandable. No one wants to be reminded of our inhumanity toward each other. But isn't that indeed the basis for the cross?"

It was a cross no one wanted to see. Much like the cross of Christ — though his was not a cross of guns and knives, bayonets and bullets. But a cross of suffering and shame. A cross of derision and death.

A cross no one wanted to see. And yet some did see it. And it’s just as well they did, for if they had not seen it, we wouldn’t be gathered here today in gratitude for what his death means to each of us, and for each of us.

Jesus could have died in obscurity. Just one more young man executed by the Romans. But the reason he wasn’t forgotten is that some of those present that day were witnesses to the truth. And they shared the truth afterwards so that the Good News might be heard down the centuries.

Each of the four Gospels contain accounts of Jesus’ Passion and the crucifixion. There are overlaps. There are differences. But together we get as good an idea as we can of the events 2,000 years ago. For our service today we’ve chosen to use Luke’s account.

Let me read 3 verses once more

47 When the centurion saw what had taken place, he praised God and said, ‘Certainly this man was innocent.’[n] 48 And when all the crowds who had gathered there for this spectacle saw what had taken place, they returned home, beating their breasts. 49 But all his acquaintances, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things. Luke 23: 47 - 49 NRSV

In these three verses Luke introduces us to what one Bible commentator refers to as “three sympathetic witnesses”:

The centurion who I think we can assume was in charge of the execution party.

“the crowds” who Luke tells us “had gathered there for this spectacle”.

And thirdly there are “all his acquaintances including the women who had followed him from Galilee”

Luke tells us that each of these – the centurion, the crowds and the acquaintances - saw what was taking place or they were watching what was happening. These didn’t find the cross too ugly even though it was of course. They didn’t turn away and consequently each of these three saw and watched was happening and it is through their eyes we see the importance of what was happening.

Centurion

When we think of the centurion present at Jesus’ death, we are perhaps more inclined to remember the centurion saying in Matthew’s Gospel, “Surely he was the Son of God!” Matthew 27:54 (A verse forever tainted by John Wayne saying the words in "The Greatest Story ever told"!)

Mark’s words are similar.

But Luke records it as

47 The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, ‘Surely this was a righteous man.’

It is a significant difference. For Matthew and Mark there is an emphasis in their Gospels on Jesus being the Christ, the Messiah. But for Luke there is a different positive slant.

Luke wants his readers to know that Jesus was a victim not a villain. Jesus was in the right. He didn’t deserve to die. Luke wants to make sure his audience understands that Jesus wasn’t guilty. Luke’s audience may have consisted of Roman citizens who may well have believed in Roman justice. Such people would have asked themselves “If Jesus was tried by a Roman court there must have been a reason.”
Therefore, Luke presents his Roman witness to make it clear that Jesus was not guilty

‘Certainly this man was innocent.’ The Centurion says

But that’s not enough for Luke. He records that what the Centurion has seen brings him to faith

47 When the centurion saw what had taken place, he praised God

This hard-nosed Roman soldier is convinced of Jesus innocence and is brought to faith by witnessing Jesus’ death on the cross. What better proof would there be if you were a Roman reading Luke than the word of a Roman officer?

The crowd

48 And when all the crowds who had gathered there for this spectacle saw what had taken place, they returned home, beating their breasts.
Let me emphasise “the crowds who had gathered there for this spectacle”

It’s perhaps hard to comprehend, but people did used to gather to watch executions. And before we get all self-righteous, 150 years ago public executions were still happening in this country. The last one took place on 26th March 1868. The Times newspaper recorded that

Yesterday morning, in the presence of a vast concourse of spectators, Michael Barrett, the author of the Clerkenwell Explosion, was hanged in front of Newgate. In its circumstances there was very little to distinguish this from ordinary executions. The crowd was greater, perhaps, and better behaved;

It’s the starkness of that report. It’s almost as if it’s been written by the cricket correspondence!

Throughout Luke chapter 23 there are references to “the crowds” or “the people”. They shout for Jesus’ execution. They shout for Barabbas to be released. They shout “Crucify!” Then a large number of people follow Jesus on his way to the cross including women who mourned and wailed for him.

And now we have the crowd at the place of execution. A crowd waiting for the innocent Jesus to die. A crowd we must assume made up in part of those who not long before were shouting for his death. But a crowd who now beat their breasts as a sign of anguish. As a sign of mourning. As a sign of penitence. As an act of contrition or a plea for mercy. A crowd who had gathered for the spectacle of watching an innocent man die are now so moved that they return home thinking “What have we done? Was he really the Messiah? Have we helped kill him?”

All his acquaintances

49 But all his acquaintances, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things.

The acquaintances are not identified. They may or may not have included the eleven disciples. But most likely these are the relatives and / or the larger group of followers and disciples that are occasionally referred to in the Gospels such as “the seventy-two”.

It’s perhaps hardly surprising that they stand at a distance. Would you want to witness the barbaric death of someone you love up close? And surely you’d be excused for distancing yourself from him if you were worried about your own skin?

Yet the acquaintances watching from a distance play a crucial role. They are the key witnesses to what is happening. They see the transformation of the centurion. They see the transformation of the crowd. And they have seen why this came about – even if they perhaps do not fully understand it. For they have seen how “forgiveness” transforms lives.

In verse 34 Jesus says:

34 … ‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.’

These words could be addressed to the soldiers at the foot of the cross gambling for his clothes. But the words apply to the centurion, to the crowds and to the acquittances too.
“Father forgive them”

And let’s not forget, those words apply to us too. “Father, forgive them.”

I doubt that on that Friday afternoon, the centurion, the crowds, the acquaintances, even Jesus’ closest disciples, fully understood what was happening. They could not have fully realised that God had looked down on the universal problem of human sin and realised there was only one way for the problem to be dealt with. That was for God himself, in the human form of his son, to come in to the world and rescue it.

John 3:16 New International Version - UK (NIVUK)

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Or as The Message puts it powerfully

John 3:16-18 The Message (MSG)

16-18 “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.

There was no other good enough to pay the price of sin. There was no other way of Saving the world from sin.

Saving every person in the world from sin could only be achieved by God himself.
Only God’s innocent son can absorb and deal with the sin of the world.
Only God’s innocent son can take the curses of the world and give back blessing.
Only God’s innocent son can take the hatred of the world and give back love.

Tom Wright puts it this way:

“It is because in his death on the cross we see a love which can only be identified as God’s love.
Therefore we Christians can say: He was not just a great teacher dying for his beliefs. He was not just a good man suffering innocently. He was, and is the loving God himself, come as a human being to save men, women and children from sin and death. And from all the stain and fear and guilt and shame which cling to our hearts, our memories our imaginations, our lives.”

It was nine o’clock in the morning when they crucified him; the people stayed there watching, the leaders jeered at him and the soldiers mocked him. Some women, his friends from Galilee, looked on from a distance.

Let us Pray
 
Lord, open our eyes to the wonder of this day, and help us to respond in the only way we can
With heartfelt gratitude
With joyful praise
And with loving service
Offered in your name and for your glory.
Gracious Lord, for all you willingly endured we thank you. Amen.

Acknowledgements

Robert Morgan illustration eSermons.com

New Interpreters Commentary on Luke

Tom Wright - Luke for Everyone

Nick Fawcett - Prayers for all seasons

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow

What follows is the text of a sermon preached at Studley Methodist Church on Easter Day 2019. (I don't often put the texts of my sermons on here. But several people have said how much this meant to them and therefore I feel called to share it.)

Many years ago, I was on a bus in Swindon. It was I think Maundy Thursday and I was coming home from work. In the seat in front of me were two women. They had bags of shopping with them and their bags contained Easter eggs.

There was the inevitable chit chat and then one woman said “These Easter eggs cost a fortune. But you’ve got to buy them for the kids, haven’t you?” The other woman said “Yes. And it’s such a rip off. I don’t even know what Easter is all about. Christmas, I get. It’s about giving presents. But Easter? What does it mean?
That’s a fair question. What does Easter mean?

These were the days before I was a minister. In fact, I’d only just started training as a local preacher. Otherwise I’d like to think I might have tried to explain what Easter is about. Well, I say I like to think I’d explain what Easter is about. But where would I begin?

Christmas is easy isn’t it? Even in our increasingly secular age, most people have some understanding of “Baby Jesus” lying in the manger. And Mary and Joseph. And an innkeeper. And shepherds. And Wise Men. But Easter is much more difficult.

After all, if we’re to try and explain Easter we need to start with Good Friday, don’t we? And what’s so Good about it? And Good Friday needs to include a discussion of sin and how God wants to save the world. And how he did so by sending Jesus his son. Who by the way is God and human. Then Easter itself. Jesus was killed on Good Friday. Laid in a tomb and then on Sunday morning he’s alive again? If we said all this to non-church people, the reaction might be “Really? You expect me to believe that? You expect me to understand that?”

Perhaps it was just as well I didn’t try and explain Easter to those two women!

We’re here this morning because – presumably - we do believe the Easter story. We mightn’t understand it. And that’s ok by the way. Jesus’ resurrection is like nothing we’ll ever encounter in this life. How can we understand it?

But don’t panic. I don’t feel we are expected to understand it. We’re expected to believe it. And that’s an important difference.

And in believing it we can take on what the Easter story means. It means many things of course. It means that those who believe in Jesus are promised eternal life. It means we do not have to fear death because Jesus has overcome death. He has conquered death. Though you might still say “What does that mean?”

If you had been living in the Roman Empire in the first century, you would have noticed a strange custom practiced by the early Christians. They would go out to their graveyards with laurel wreaths, the wreaths that had been used in Greek and Roman culture to crown the victors of athletic contests. They would take those laurel wreaths and place them on the graves. If you had asked them why, they would say, "Because we believe that in Jesus Christ, we have received victory over the power of death."

Those early Christians had an advantage over us of course. It is possible that they would have contact with some of the earliest followers of Jesus. Therefore, they would have heard first-hand accounts maybe of the resurrected Jesus. That made it easy to believe in the power of the resurrection.
2,000 years on it’s not quite so simple or is it?
Of course, we’re not helped in our culture by medical science. Medicine has improved so much that people now live for longer and survive diseases and illnesses that years ago would have killed them. But sadly, this means people can think they are invincible or more to the point, when they are confronted with death, they are fearful. Death appears so final.
I was attending a funeral a few years back of a friend. Sat next to me in the congregation was another friend who took great pleasure in reminding me that she was an atheist. We have had some interesting conversations over the years.

At this funeral the vicar conducting the service spoke of the hope we have as Christians following Christ’s resurrection. And my friend whispered to me in all seriousness “I wish I had hope”. I thought that was so sad. Because of her refusal to believe she had no hope.

I honestly do not know how people live without hope. And for me, hope is the most important part of the resurrection story.

The actions of the three characters in our Gospel reading – the beloved disciple John, Peter and Mary Magdalene, – are all actions of people needing hope and finding hope.
John the beloved disciple is portrayed in the Fourth Gospel as the disciple who always responds in the most appropriate way to Jesus and his message. He has stayed with Jesus right to the bitter end. He has heard all of Jesus words and we must assume he understood what Jesus meant by saying he would return after three days. But despite this, John the beloved must have been hoping that it was true. Therefore, when John sees the empty tomb first of all, and then when he enters and sees the linen wrappings, he instantly believes. His hopes that what Jesus said are affirmed.

In some senses Peter’s reaction to Mary’s news is less understandable. He’s spent the last few days running away from Jesus why is he running towards him now? Perhaps it is simple jealousy, a desire to prove that he is as good as the faithful Beloved Disciple John. Or perhaps Peter is motived by guilt? The guilt of denying Jesus after boasting about his loyalty. And guilt for not being present at the cross. Or maybe it is hopeful curiosity. Peter was present with all the other disciples when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. Could it be possible that the same thing has happened to Jesus? And perhaps Peter hopes that if Jesus is alive then Jesus will forgive him and even reinstate him, to take away the guilt Peter carries.

And what of Mary Magdalene? What hope did she have? She obviously expects nothing to happen. She has come to mourn the loss of life. She has come to tend the grave. Did she hope for the resurrection? Or was her hope more that by mourning at the grave side the pain of grief would be eased? Whatever it was, Mary was the first to see Jesus after his resurrection. And it is to Mary that Jesus gives the commission to go and tell what she has witnessed.

17 Jesus said, ‘Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, “I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.”’John 20:17

Through Mary Magdalene’s commission, the world is given hope. The ultimate hope. That if we believe in Jesus, we will have eternal life with him.

A new minister was visiting one of his church members who was in the hospital. The minister was a young man, fresh out of college and still wet behind the ears as a minister. He was visiting this elderly man named Joe, and Joe was extremely ill. He wanted to talk to his minister about his funeral service and the minister wanted to talk about anything else – the weather, football, politics, or anything else he could think of.

Finally, the minister asked, "Joe, doesn't it bother you? Aren't you frightened?" Joe smiled and said, "Preacher, I know I'm not going to make it, but I'm not afraid. I have a confession to make. I've peeked at the back of the book. I know how it ends"

"What do you mean?" the minister asked.

Joe said, "You didn't know me 10 years ago when I had my first heart attack. They called it cardiac arrest. I can remember the medical team thinking I was dead. I can also remember the tremendous feeling of being surrounded by God's love. I was revived by the doctors, but ever since that day I have been unafraid to die. I've been there and it doesn't frighten me. I know that one day soon I am going to go to die and I believe that when I awaken from death, I will, once again, be surrounded by God's love."

I can relate to that from my own experience. I feel I've had a sneak peek and all will be well.

This is the message of the first Easter and every Easter since. The tomb is empty. Christ is risen. Jesus is alive. And because of this, we too, shall live.
It’s the hope we have. And what a hope!

John Dunne writes of the impact of the resurrection upon humankind: "The Resurrection is an enormous answer to the problem of death. The idea is that the Christian goes with Christ through death to everlasting life. Death becomes an event, like birth, that is lived through."

What a magnificent statement of faith. Death is merely another event in the ongoing process of life - something one lives through with Christ. The resurrection of Jesus reinforces these words from The Wisdom of Solomon: "The souls of the just are in God's hand, and torment shall not touch them…they are at peace."

I’m sure you like me saw images of the Notre Dame Cathedral burning. On Monday evening it looked as if the whole structure might collapse. How could anything survive that fire?
It must have seemed the end of this ancient building and all it represented and meant. That’s what those watching and waiting on Monday night must have felt.
But then on Tuesday morning pictures were released of the inside of the cathedral. And there, handing over the altar was a large cross. Untouched by the fire. The mood changed. The cross gave hope.

As I saw this, I was reminded of the story of Sir Christopher Wren when he was rebuilding St Paul’s cathedral after the Great Fire of London in 1666. There are slight variations, but it seems that at some point during the rebuilding Wren was given a piece of stone that had been part of the original building. On the stone was carved the Latin word “Resurgam”. This means “I shall rise again”. Wren, a devote Christian, took this as a sign that he was to rebuild God’s house.
Today, over one of the doorways in to St Paul’s is a carving of a phoenix rising from the ashes. And underneath this carving is that word “Resurgam”. “I will rise again”.
Our faith is not about buildings of course. And the whole cost of rebuilding Notre Dame raises many ethical questions. But today that is not my point. My point is that Christ rose again and we will rise with him.

Father Basil Pennington, a Roman Catholic monk, tells of an encounter he once had with a teacher of Zen Buddhism. Pennington was at a retreat. As part of the retreat, each person met privately with this Zen teacher. Pennington says that at his meeting the Zen teacher sat there before him smiling from ear to ear and rocking gleefully back and forth. Finally, the teacher said: “I like Christianity. But I would not like Christianity without the resurrection. I want to see your resurrection!”

Pennington notes that, “With his directness, the teacher was saying what everyone else implicitly says to Christians: You are a Christian. You are risen with Christ. Show me what this means for you in your life and I will believe.” That is how people know if the resurrection is true or not. Does it affect how we live? Do we live with hope?
I love the hymn Great is thy faithfulness. And that hymn contains these words “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow”. If someone asked me what Easter means, what the resurrection means that would be my explanation. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

Easter gives me strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow blessings all mine with then thousand beside! I hope you feel the same way too.

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed. Alleluia!

Acknowledgements

"Joe"and "Basil Pennington" illustrations courtesy of esermons.com
Feasting on the Word Year C
 

A little less conversation a little more action

I preached today at the Churches Together in Chippenham Good Friday service. One of my Anglican colleagues put the order of service together and he’d included this meditation.

A meditation - by Ian Cowie

There is a time for asking questions
but there is also a day for decision.
There is a time to discuss who Jesus is,
but there is also a time to take up your cross and follow him.
There is a time to weigh the issues carefully,
but there are issues which will not wait until tomorrow.
If we wait until we understand everything
we will wait for ever.
If we do not follow the light which we do see,
we will receive no more light.
If we, today, miss this opportunity
then God help us.

(from Eggs & Ashes, Wild Goose Pub.)

I must admit that during the service I’d not really paid much attention to it. (I was busy thinking about my sermon.) But on the way home my wife commented on it and I’ve reread it.

My wife said that the meditation had really spoken to her. She said that with the Extinction Rebellion climate protests taking place in London, the meditation had made her think of how it is often so easy to spend time debating but not doing anything. She was thinking particularly about the climate issues and how with Britain bogged down with Brexit, nothing else seems to be happening.

We both agreed that whilst we couldn’t quite see ourselves taking part in the passive resistance that Extinction Rebellion were doing, we had sympathy with the people who were doing this.

From everything the experts are saying it seems we need “a little less conversation and a little more action” to quote Elvis!

During Lent at home we’ve been following the Living Lent idea of being vegetarian and not buying anything other than necessities. Being vegetarian has not been difficult. (We have both had the occasional lapse and have had a Sunday roast – well Sunday’s are mini festivals in Lent so that’s ok – he said trying to justify his actions.) But we have ended up buying things other than food and essentials. Nothing frivolous. Just things we needed. However, it has made us think.

And I feel what we’ve done through Living Lent will change our lifestyle to some extent. It’s interesting that on the Friends of the Earth web site, one thing they suggest people doing to help reduce environmental impact, is to eat less meat and dairy. If more people did this there would be some positive effects. Our not eating as much meat has not, and will not, be in vain.

I suppose you could ask what this has got to do with Good Friday. Well I feel the meditation reminds us that for Jesus the time for debating, the time for talking, the time for preaching had come to an end. No doubt he hoped during this ministry that people would have listened to him and would have turned their lives around. And by doing so would have turned away from sin. But they didn’t therefore he had no choice but to put into action his father’s plan. As I said in my sermon this morning:

“There was no other way of saving the world from sin.
Saving every person in the world from sin could only be achieved by God himself in the person of Jesus.
Only God’s innocent son can absorb and deal with the sin of the world.
Only God’s innocent son can take the curses of the world and give back blessing.
Only God’s innocent son can take the hatred of the world and give back love.”

A meditation - by Ian Cowie

There is a time for asking questions
but there is also a day for decision.
There is a time to discuss who Jesus is,
but there is also a time to take up your cross and follow him.
There is a time to weigh the issues carefully,
but there are issues which will not wait until tomorrow.
If we wait until we understand everything
we will wait for ever.
If we do not follow the light which we do see,
we will receive no more light.
If we, today, miss this opportunity
then God help us.

(from Eggs & Ashes, Wild Goose Pub.)

Pull your socks up!

If you read the background to this blog, you’ll see that my ministry has long involved socks. (If you can’t be bothered to go and look, when I started in ministry, I began to wear brightly coloured socks as I figured most of the time, I’d be wearing boring black clerical shirts. Early on someone paid me the compliment of saying “You’re not like a normal vicar. I knew you’d be ok when I saw your socks.")

For the last 12 years I’ve nearly always worn bright socks. I’m quite particular about the right kind of socks and have avowed never to wear “character” ones with cartoons etc on them. They just must be brightly coloured.

Just before Christmas, I received a belated birthday present from my sister - in - law. The parcel contained a stripy scarf and some “loud” socks. And my sister in law had got the socks just right. They were from a company called “Happy Socks”. And if you look at their web site you will see the wide variety of brightly coloured socks they have. (Other suppliers of brightly coloured socks are available – though if Happy Socks read this, I’d be pleased to be a brand ambassador!)

The other great thing about Happy Socks is, they are great to put on. For me this is a big factor now. Since my illness, my right foot has been rigid. I can’t move it at the ankle and I can’t wiggle my toes. So, my wife has been helping me put my socks on for the last 2 ½ years. And believe me, to help someone put their socks on you need those socks to be stretchy.

Now stretchy socks are usually nylon. Eugh! But Happy Socks are a mixture of cotton and stretchy stuff (to use the technical expression. They stretch to go on but then don’t constrict either.

(I’m very aware that this blog is becoming very Sock Nerdy. Or is it Sock Geeky? And what’s the difference between a Nerd and a Geek anyway?)

This is all well and good, but I’ve still needed help. But then someone said, “You know you can get things to help you put your socks on?” No, I didn’t so off to the Internet. And yes, there are many devices. And, many demonstration videos on YouTube. (This really is becoming worrying now!)

I sent off for a sock putting on thing and last week it arrived. And lo and behold it works! I can put my own socks on!

(There is the small matter of the surgical stocking I have to wear because of poor circulation. But one thing at a time.)

I’m sure many of you have already lost the will to live in reading this blog. But please bear with me, I am getting to the point.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend. He asked me what I was planning to do on my sabbatical. (3 months leave. Or as the Methodist Church defines it “For Methodist ministers, a sabbatical is a period of release from ordinary ministerial duties, in addition to normal holidays, for the purpose of pursuing an approved programme of study, research, work or experience. It is intended as a time for re-equipping, refreshment and renewal.”)

I explained I was going to work on my interest in photography. I’m calling the project “Seeing God through a camera lens.” It will mean me visiting places of interest, historic churches, beauty spots; places where I feel in touch with God, then I’ll photograph it.

My friend said this sounded interesting and told me he’d seen that a retreat centre in Devon offered retreats linked to photography. And this is where we come back to socks.
I explained to my friend that I would have liked to go on retreat for a few days during my sabbatical but because of my inability to put socks on, I thought it wouldn’t be possible. But now since getting my sock thing, it might be possible.

I said something to my friend like “You probably think not putting on your socks must be a really feeble excuse not to do something.” And my friend said, “No. Far from it. I can see why it would be a way of preventing you doing something.” But then he added “But isn’t it wonderful that it’s another thing you’ve overcome? And doesn’t it make you think how with faith and perseverance, we can overcome many things? Though small things can be big hindrances too.”

My friend is absolutely right.

I’m always slightly wary of some analogies for faith and what God can do and what God is like. (If you’ve ever seen the TV comedy “Gavin & Stacey” there’s a wonderful bit where a vicar compares faith to a sandwich. Cringeworthy.) Is the ability to put socks on a matter of faith? Or a hindrance to faith? Well yes, I think my friend is right. A small thing like being unable to put socks on can be an obstacle. (It could easily have made me get in to "This isn't fair God".) But there are ways to overcome them.

Is it truth or fake news?

This is an abridged version of a sermon preached at Central Methodist Church Chippenham on Sunday 25th November 2018

I don’t know if you have ever seen a film starring Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson called “A few good men.” In the film Jack Nicholson plays a corrupt Colonel in the US Marines and Tom Cruise plays a US Navy lawyer tasked with investigating a death on a Marines base.

The climax of the film is a scene in a court room. Jack Nicholson’s character is on the stand being questioned by Tom Cruise. And Cruise keeps saying he wants the truth. Nicholson keeps evading until eventually he snaps and shouts out.

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!”

In a way, Jesus’ trial before Pilate reminds me of that, for like in all trials, it all hinges on truth. But unlike in the film, in this trial it is Pilate, the prosecutor who snaps, rather than Jesus the accused. It is Jesus who is in control not Pilate.

It may seem strange to be thinking about the story of Jesus’ trial before Pilate at this time of the year. It is normally a Bible story we associate with Good Friday. But in the church calendar, the Sunday before Advent starts is the Sunday when we think of Jesus as King and all that means. And in his encounter with Pilate, Jesus talks of his Kingship.
The passage is often referred to as “The trial before Pilate”. But in a way, it is Pilate who is on trial not Jesus. It is Pilate’s own morality and values that are on trial not Jesus.

Pilate knows that Jesus shouldn’t be on trial. Pilate says to the Jewish leaders

31 Pilate said, ‘Take him yourselves and judge him by your own law.’ John 18:31

Pilate knows that Jesus is innocent of the crime of which he is accused. Pilate knows that Jesus is not a threat to Roman rule in Judea. And that is all Pilate is concerned with – maintaining the “Pax Romana”. The peace of Rome.

But even though Pilate says in John 18:38 ‘I find no basis for a charge against him.’ and is ready to release Jesus, politics comes in to play. And then, as now, politics and the truth are not often acquainted.

Pilate can be regarded as the most powerful person in Jerusalem. As Lamar Williamson puts it in his commentary on John’s gospel, Pilate is “the local representative of the greatest power of the time.”

But Pilate, supposedly in control, is trapped by fear. The Jewish leaders want Jesus crucified. If Pilate doesn’t do what they want he is undermined. Will he lose control? Does he have enough troops to quell the trouble the Jewish leaders might stir up? How will it look in Rome if he is not able to keep control in Jerusalem? How will it affect his career?

In his heart Pilate knows that Jesus is innocent. But Pilate is a politician and he has to do the correct political thing. And that thing, for the good of Rome and to save his own skin, is to find Jesus guilty in some way. That will keep the local leaders happy and on side. And after all, what’s one more dead Jew?

After hearing Pilate’s trumped up charges, Jesus says:

‘the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’ John 18:37

But Pilate retorts

38 ‘What is truth?’

Those words of Pilate could be spoken by a politician today. Use your imagination for a moment. Think of Pilate as having dyed blond hair that seems to have a mind of its own; a fake tan and wearing a suit that always seems slightly too tight.

Jesus says:
the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’ John 18:37

And our blond, fake tanned, overweight Pilate replies

“What is truth? It’s all fake news.”

Pilate and Jesus were coming at things very differently. Pilate was interested in self-preservation. Of being in control of his own destiny. If this meant bending the truth or ignoring it all together so be it. (Sound familiar?) Whereas Jesus’ values embody the truth. God’s truth. One of the foundations of the Kingdom of God.

It’s worth hearing what Jesus says in John 18:37 once more:

‘the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’

Jesus saying that he is the truth, is a theme found in several different places in John’s Gospel. In John 14:6 Jesus told his disciples:

6 ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

And earlier, in John chapter 8 Jesus said

‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’

“The truth will set you free”. If Pilate had accepted what Jesus was teaching, Pilate would not have been held captive by the shackles of ambition and power. The same goes for so many politicians today.

But the same goes for the followers of Jesus too.

On this last Sunday of the Christian year, the Church proclaims Christ the King. As ruler over all. On this day we reaffirm that we bow down only to Christ. We reaffirm that the Church does not give allegiance to any other person, principality or power that claims to be sovereign. We affirm that when Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life” , that is what we believe.

Do we really embody the truth of Christ? Sadly, not entirely. Why? Because we water down Jesus’ truth or corrupt it so as not to offend. And we do this I think to try and maintain a voice in society.

But the voice we then have isn’t Jesus’ voice speaking Jesus’ truth. And we know in our hearts that Jesus’ truth is often hard to accept.

More and more the church is afraid to speak the truth of Jesus to power. And it seems to me that more and more the Church is backing off when faced with the equivalent of Pilate saying, “What is truth?” Or, to put it in a more contemporary way when faced with “What the Church is saying is fake news” we back off. Or even worse, we water down the truth of Jesus to try and get a seat at the top table.

We’ve seen this happen in Nazi Germany in 1930s where a large part of the Church supported Hitler. We’ve seen it in places like China where the Church goes along with the regime in order to still exist. Dare I say it we are seeing in the USA where white conservative evangelicals have bought in to Donald Trump’s agenda. And I feel in our own country at times the Church is not vocal enough on social issues.

One of the truths Jesus spoke was one we all know, “Love your neighbour as yourself”. But have we done that? Have we loved our black neighbour, our Jewish neighbour, our Muslim neighbour? Have we loved our divorced neighbour? Our gay neighbour? Our single mum on benefits neighbour? Have we loved our Polish immigrant neighbour? Our assylum seeker neighbour?

Have we lived Jesus’ truth in caring for the sick? And those in prison? Have we lived his truth by clothing the naked or giving the thirsty water? It is easy to think that these are someone else’s responsibility. After all, when did we encounter someone who was naked or sick or thirsty or in prison? But that misses the point. Nowadays, in a world more complex than at the time of Jesus, the care of the sick, the naked, those in prison and the thirsty often falls to governments. Therefore, we can speak Jesus’ truth by ensuring that wealthy countries support poorer countries and that in our own country our health and welfare care is doing the job properly for the most vulnerable. And that prisoners are treated well including being educated and trained.

It's worth remembering that Jesus said

Luke 4:18

18 ‘The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,

Jesus' truth is therefore about Good News not Fake News.
e
Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’

Then later Jesus says

“… the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’
38 ‘What is truth?’ retorted Pilate.

Are we on the side of Jesus’ truth? Do we seek to uphold his truth? And do we seek to ensure others uphold Jesus truth too?

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! Jesus truth!”

 

Dreams and visions

I’ve shared elsewhere in my blog how on 2nd September 2016 I collapsed with a previously undiagnosed “Triple A” – abdominal aortic aneurysm. You can read the story here
https://notanormalvicar.blogspot.com/2017/05/nhs-i-owe-you-my-life.html

But up to now I’ve not shared much about my experience on the ICU ward at Southmead hospital. What follows is an abridged version of a talk I gave to the annual general meeting of Willows Counselling Service covering my time in ICU and the impact it had on my mental health. It's purely based on my experience. And it may be that a little knowledge from the internet is a dangerous thing! But in researching the topic, it has helped me find some answers.

Willows AGM - Dreams & Visions

Following surgery at Southmead I was transferred to the Intensive Care Unit and placed in a medically induced coma. And by all accounts one of the challenges was that I was fighting the sedation, so I was on some powerful stuff!

Now I promise this isn’t meant to be a synopsis of an episode of Casualty. I am getting to the point of my talk this evening. “Young men will see visions; Old men will dream dreams”

That phrase comes from the Bible. From Acts of the Apostles chapter 2. It is a phrase spoken by Peter on the Day of Pentecost.

17 ‘“In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.

And when I was asked for a title for my talk, that phrase “Young men will see visions, Old men will dream dreams” popped in to my head. Because what I want to share with you is a flavour of the “dreams and visions” I experienced during my time in ICU and what that meant for my own mental health. And I hope that by sharing it may give some of our counsellors some insights, or at least an understanding, of the trauma ICU patients can face.

ICU

As I say, I was heavily sedated for about 3 weeks. During that time, I had no real sense or recollection of what was going on or who was visiting.
But my brain was clearly very active because I experienced many dreams and hallucinations. Though these weren’t dreams and visions inspired by the Holy Spirit!

All of us dream, don’t we? Some of us remember our dreams. Some of us don’t. I remember most of my dreams normally. But the dreams I had in ICU were like nothing else. Some were dreamlike in that they were funny and pleasant. But others were scary and frightening nightmares. They were vivid, colourful and very lifelike. In fact, like nothing I’d experienced before or since.

They very fact that the dreams were so vivid and “real” caused problems later. For example, for some reason in one of my dreams a male nurse was black mailing me. But as I regained consciousness and this nurse treated me I was scared of him. Though I couldn’t express this as I had a tracheotomy.

And another dream which had real consequences – to me at least - involved me being booked on a flight to the USA on 21st September to go out to be treated by the top specialist in the world for my condition. All arranged by real American friends.

By this stage I was again semi-conscious, and I was trying to write notes for my wife to explain I was flying to America. She thought I was referring to a holiday we were supposed to be having at the end of September to coincide with our 30th wedding anniversary. Not being able to tell her about my “flight” to the USA was very frustrating.
There are many more dreams I can recall. As I say some very funny and some horrible. But I don’t need to go further. I’ll keep them for my novel!

I was transferred from ICU on 27th September – our wedding anniversary. I spent the next month on the vascular ward at Southmead and a further 3 weeks in Chippenham hospital. I was finally discharged from hospital in late November – after almost 3 months.

Dreams, hallucinations or psychosis?

As I said earlier, the reason for sharing this is to give you as counsellors and supporters of Willows an idea of the trauma faced by people who have undergone heavy sedation.
I’m not sure what the best term is to describe the trauma. The condition seems to be called Sedation hallucinations, delirium and ICU Psychosis. Please forgive me if I use several different terms. I suppose they may mean different things medically. But for a lay person like me, they seem synonymous.

If you Google sedation hallucinations, you will find a great deal of material and research on the subject. In fact, it seems clear that for as long as there have been anaesthetics, there have been sedation hallucinations.

One web site I’ve found informative is healthtalk.org. A British web site founded by two doctors and supported by the University of Oxford. There is a good section there on the condition, complete with video interviews of those who have experienced such hallucinations.

Healthtalk says this about the condition of sedation hallucinations:

Although some people had no dreams or hallucinations, for others these were an important part of their whole experience. Sometimes dreams and hallucinations caused anxiety, confusion or disorientation and some people found it difficult to distinguish between dreams, nightmares and hallucinations, particularly when they first came around.

That was very much my experience.

Other research pointed me to an American web site medicinenet.com

MedicineNet refers to what I experienced as ICU Psychosis.

(The NHS web site states that Psychosis is a mental health problem that causes people to perceive or interpret things differently from those around them. This might involve hallucinations or delusions.)

ICU psychosis facts

• ICU psychosis is a temporary condition and can be treated.
• ICU psychosis may last 24 hours or even up to two weeks with various symptoms occurring at different times.
• Many factors can be involved in causing ICU psychosis.

What causes ICU psychosis? ICU psychosis is said to be caused by Environmental and Medical causes.

Environmental Causes

• Sensory deprivation: A patient being put in a room that often has no windows, and is away from family, friends, and all that is familiar and comforting.
• Sleep disturbance and deprivation: The constant disturbance and noise with the hospital staff coming at all hours to check vital signs, give medications, etc.
• Continuous light levels: Continuous disruption of the normal biorhythms with lights on continually (no reference to day or night).
• Stress: Patients in an ICU frequently feel the almost total loss of control over their life.
• Lack of orientation: A patient's loss of time and date.
• Medical monitoring: The continuous monitoring of the patient's vital signs, and the noise monitoring devices produce can be disturbing and create sensory overload.

Looking back, I experienced all of these.

Medical Causes include:

• Pain which may not be adequately controlled in an ICU
• Medication (drug) reaction or side effects: The administration of medications typically given to the patient in the hospital setting that they have not taken before.
• Infection creating fever and toxins in the body.
• Metabolic disturbances: electrolyte imbalance, hypoxia (low blood oxygen levels), and elevated liver enzymes.
• Cumulative analgesia (the inability to feel pain while still conscious)
• Dehydration

Medically there were some factors with me – I certainly developed an infection and was briefly on dialysis to reduce the toxins.

The cluster of psychiatric symptoms of ICU psychosis include:
• extreme excitement,
• anxiety,
• restlessness,
• hearing voices,
• clouding of consciousness,
• hallucinations,
• nightmares,
• paranoia,
• disorientation,
• agitation,
• delusions,
• abnormal behaviour,
• fluctuating level of consciousness which include aggressive or passive behaviour.

I now realise that I experienced most of these.

MedicineNet says: “In short, patients become temporarily psychotic. The symptoms vary greatly from patient to patient. The onset of ICU psychosis is usually rapid, and is upsetting and frightening to the patient and family members.”

This is interesting, as my family didn’t realise what I had been experiencing and, as mentioned, I couldn’t tell them. And apart from one nurse who thought I was becoming depressed, so arranged for me to be moved to a room with a view, the medical staff seemed unaware of what was going on.

MedicineNet goes on to explain how ICU psychosis is treated.

The treatment of ICU psychosis clearly depends on the cause(s).

Many times, the actual cause of the psychosis involves many factors, and many issues will need to be addressed to relieve the symptoms.

In my case the psychosis, if that is what it was, wasn’t treated per se. I was just gradually taken off the heavy sedation and the infection cleared up. And the dreams and hallucinations ended. Being moved to the room with a view was the only “treatment” I had for the condition.
But I’m not complaining. I agree with MedicineNet

“It should be understood that in saving a life in the critical environment, ICU psychosis sometimes may be a small price to pay for cutting edge, precise medical life-saving measures.”

My online research identified a paper called Sedation in the intensive care unit by Rowe and Fletcher Oxford 2008. This refers to what I experienced as delirium. The paper states:

The recognition and management of delirium is important; it occurs in up to 80% of ICU patients during their admission.

As I said, although I don’t blame Southmead, I am surprised they didn’t check me for ICU psychosis / delirium / sedation hallucinations as it is so common.

Coming to terms with what happened

After coming home from hospital, with more time to think and reflect, I realised that the ICU psychosis (I’ll stick with that phrase) had left a mark on me. But what was I to do?

No one in hospital had mentioned the condition to me. No one had asked me whether I was suffering from it or asked about symptoms.

During my time in hospital one Methodist minister who supported me and my family was Paul. (Not his real name.) Paul has done a great deal of work in hospital chaplaincy, therefore he is very knowledgeable on many medical matters. When I described to him – in broad terms – my hallucinations, he firstly affirmed that this was a very common occurrence for someone who had been heavily sedated. And he suggested that when I was ready, I should speak to a counsellor.

I learned later, that Paul knew of another Methodist minister who had experienced a very similar thing to me. And he drew on his experience of dealing with that colleague when speaking to me. That colleague had received counselling and it had been very beneficial.

Also, about 10 days after coming out of hospital, I took a Skype call from a friend who lives in the USA. 4 years ago, my friend had a massive heart attack. He ended up with a quadruple by pass. He’d called to encourage me. And almost as an aside he said, “Did you have weird dreams when you were in ICU?” He had had the same experience as me which was reassuring.

After being out of hospital for a couple of months I arranged to see a counsellor. With the counsellor I felt able to speak of all the hallucinations I’d had. This wasn’t easy as the hallucinations that had been the scariest, were often very violent and sexual (think of a Quentin Tarantino movie on steroids!) I’d been too embarrassed to talk about these to someone else. (My research has found this such hallucinations are not uncommon – which is something of a relief!)

I was also able to share with the counsellor something that had been of a great concern for me. And that was a missing month of my life. This loss of time and date is one of the environmental causes of ICU psychosis.

It is hard to explain, but during my time in hospital and during the first few months at home, it felt strange that there was pretty much a whole month of my life that I have no recollection about. Between arriving at Southmead around 5pm on 2nd September and my leaving ICU on 27th September I have virtually no recollection. I just abut recall some things about my last week on ICU but that is sketchy.

For a long time, this missing month was a worry for me. The counsellor helped me talk about this. And to a large extent helped me cope with it. But it took me many months to realise I’d not missed anything! Strangely enough, as I prepared this talk, I Googled events of September 2016 just to confirm I’d not missed anything. I don’t think I have!

Conclusion

It is only in the last 3 or 4 months I think that I really feel as if I have finally moved on. Although I’ve never had flash backs as such, I’d been able to recall the hallucinations. And until recently my mind did often seem to go back to them. Though it felt detached, like I was looking at a film. They didn’t seem connected to me any longer.

Some of you here this evening who are counsellors may have had clients with similar issues to me and if so, I’m sure you’ve helped them by allowing them to talk about them. But some of you may not have encountered this before – and may never encounter it – but I hope by sharing what I have experienced, you may have some greater knowledge to take back with you.

Most people connected with Willows – though not all – are Christians. If you’re not a Christian, my closing comments won’t mean much. But for Christians I think it is important for me to share one other thing.

Not long after being home, a clergy colleague came to visit. We had a good long chat and then he said, “So how are things between you and God?” I don’t know what he was expecting me to say. Perhaps he assumed I’d be angry at God. But I was able to say to him “Things are fine with me and God.”

From that moment of peace in the ambulance travelling to Southmead, throughout my time in hospital and during my recovery, I’ve felt closer to God than ever before. I don’t know what caused my aorta to fail but it wasn’t God. God didn’t wish what happened to me to happen. It just did.

For many years, a verse of scripture that has meant a lot to me is Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I’ve clung on to these words of hope. I don’t know what is next for me. I’m up for whatever God has in mind. Though I’d rather it didn’t involve ambulances, doctors, nurses and machines that go “ping”!

Sources

https://www.medicinenet.com/icu_psychosis/article.htm#how_is_icu_psychosis_treated
http://www.healthtalk.org/peoples-experiences/intensive-care/intensive-care-patients-experiences/sleep-dreams-and-hallucinations-icu
https://academic.oup.com/bjaed/article/8/2/50/338650